I hate asking for help. It’s hard. I can vividly remember all the years sitting in class, struggling through problems and guessing on questions simply because I did not want to ask a question for fear of appearing dumb or incompetent.
Asking for help is hard and is amplified in our DIY society; where we’re more likely to read a self-help book in it’s entirety than to ask someone a question, or be applauded for being independent and successful and completely self-reliant. It’s a rational fear, really. It makes us vulnerable. We’re allowing ourselves to admit our weaknesses, humble ourselves and assume dependency on another human being.
A couple weeks ago I sent out my first round of 100 fundraising letters. I spent an entire day thinking of every family member, family friend, pastor, or acquaintance that has touched my life in some way these past 22 years. Praying over every letter and name as it left my hand, that God would somehow use that little letter to reach or bless that person, those families in someway.
I can tell you that asking for money is even worse. It’s weird. It’s uncomfortable. For me, I can identify a couple of reasons behind this:
1. I feel underserving: Here I am asking all my loved ones, random acquaintances, and frankly some people I’ve never met, to give me money to travel around the world when I have no idea their financial state or situations they may be going through.
2. I’m a giver and receiving is hard: I’d rather donate my money to the food pantry, homeless shelter or my compassion child than use it on myself, so why would I ask anyone to give their money to me?
Through this fundraising process, I have to allow myself to be completely dependent on other people. Family. Friends. That one guy my dad knew in college. (You get the picture). And while this is just the beginning, there are seven things that I’ve learned these past few weeks:
1. Despite things like the Paris attacks or any of the other thousands of mass shootings that have occurred around the world this year alone that make you lose all faith in humanity, there are actually really awesome people in this world. Like the great aunt I’ve never met, or the parents of the friend I’ve known for 10 years immediately supporting me before I could even send out my fundraising letters. (Isaiah 8)
2. There’s a reason that Adam wasn’t left on this Earth alone. We were made to be dependent on each other. As can often be overheard at my church, “We’re better together.” We were made to be in community; to lift one another up and carry each others’ burdens. Brothers were created for times of adversity. (Proverbs 11:14, 1 Thess, 5:11, Psalms 133:1)
3. I now view financial needs from a new perspective and it leaves me craving to be more generous. I find myself moving further away from a poverty mentality, thinking that I don’t have enough for myself, to seeing how much less others have. I recently read Tim Keller’s Generous Justice, and while I could probably do an entire post on that alone, I’ll leave you with this: “If a person has grasped the meaning of God’s grace in his heart, he will do justice. If he doesn’t live justly, then he may say with his lips that he is grateful for God’s grace, but in his heart he is far from him. If he doesn’t care about the poor, it reveals that at best he doesn’t understand the grace he has experienced, and at worst he has not really encountered the saving mercy of God. Grace should make you just.” (Proverbs 30:8-9, Ecc. 5:10-12, Matthew 6:19-26)
4. This money isn’t mine. This isn’t MY mission or MY travels. This is the Lord’s mission. This is HIS plan. These are HIS resources. (Psalm 3:9, 24:1, 1 Cor. 10:26)
5. It’s allowed me to create, reopen, strengthen and deepen lines of communication and relationships with distant family members, old friends, new friends and Jesus. (Phil 2:3, John 15:13)
6. Patience. I’ve always considered myself a patient person. However, as time goes along the enemy gets his chance to speak, saying “You can’t do this. You’ll never reach your goal. You won’t be fully funded.” And I get to constantly remind myself of God’s faithfulness. His strength. His timing. So during this time, I’ll allow the seed of patience to be planted and I’ll wait. I’ll wait for the harvest. I’ll wait for God to create in me what it is he wants the rest of the world to see. (James 1, Ecc 3, Haggai 2:19)
7. I am so unbelievably grateful. I never expected to cry when I received the notification of a $10 donation, but I did. Did you know that the definition (at least on dictionary.com anyways) of thanksgiving is “the act of giving thanks; grateful acknowledgment of benefits or favors, especially to God?” I honestly thought when I googled that I was going to get something about pilgrims and turkeys. But my heart is in a constant state of thanksgiving. I think I’ve given out more thank yous in the last couple weeks than I have in my entire life. I was stoked beyond belief to have a hand cramp after getting to write my first round of thank you cards. (Revelation 7:12, Psalm 95, 100, 188)
I know that Thanksgiving has come and gone, but I encourage you to maintain a demeanor of gratitude. Enter each day intentionally with a heart and mind full of thanksgiving and watch how full your life becomes. And because one Tim Keller quote just isn’t enough:
“God created us and built us for a relationship with him. We belong to him, and we owe him gratitude for every moment, everything. Because humans were built to live for him, to worship, we will always try to worship something-if not God, we will choose some other object of ultimate devotion, to give our lives meaning.” -Tim Keller
If you somehow made it through the jumbled mess of my thoughts, thanks a bunch. I am so, so, so very thankful for each and every one of you; for all your kind words of support and encouragement, prayers and financial support. I cannot even put into words how full my heart is.
All honor and glory be given to God today and forever.
