Have you ever experienced something and you had no idea how much you actually needed it until said thing was done and the moment has passed?
This past weekend was just that for me. On Sunday I went to visit the church that I grew up in and it’s exactly what I needed. To be more precise it was the worship. As I walked in I made my way to the top back so that I can avoid awkward conversation with people and as I found a seat I saw who was going to lead worship. I was glad I made it that day. But as the music started I immediately had a sense of comfort. It was more than I physical comfort. Yes it was the place where I spent my first 18 years calling church and learning/ experiencing God but it was something else.
I grew up in a Hispanic Pentecostal Church for the first 18 years of my life, that was all I knew. It wasn’t until I went to bible college that I learned how expansive the Christian community actually was. Subsequently this was also the same time I started attending a different church.
Since my departure from Cosecha I have only been attending English speaking services. During my time at school I was still in a charismatic atmosphere so I had that. There was really no Spanish worship but the atmosphere was the same ,to some extent. But since I moved back to the peninsula I haven’t had even that. I’m attending a non denominational seeker friendly church in San Francisco and I love it. I’ve met some pretty awesome people, the pastor is amazing, and worship is nice too. But as time passed by a part of me felt lost, almost like I wasn’t whole. I’ve been really struggling with this lately and I’ve only gotten glimpses of peace when I’d put on Spanish worship but even this became empty after a while.
I knew the comfort that I was feeling when the music started to play. I knew why being able to not only worship in Spanish but being able to worship with others gave peace to my heart. For the first time in a long time I was able to be authentically me . And please don’t get me wrong I love the worship at my current church it’s amazing and God moves in that place but a part became wanting.
When I speak or better yet sing to God in Spanish I feel whole. I feel like my words have more meaning, power, and emotion. When I worship God, Jesus, Holy Spirit in Spanish I can pour out my heart to him and be at his feet. I can give him my all.
