God is really teaching me to trust him in a whole new level right now. Yea, raising $18,200 is no easy task but I know God is going to show up in a big way. What really has me sitting on the edge of my seat is what my life will look like not just before the trip but also after.
I’m the type of person who will plan out the next five steps of my life. I’m also the type of person who will look at every possible outcome of a potential choice just to make the “best” decision. It’s worked for me well so far, but this time not so much. For some reason I can’t see any solid lead to what God would have me do coming back from the trip and its kind of killing me.
Every time I try to plan I just see black! I try to see my self-going back to school (which I do want to do) but I don’t know what I would study or where to go. I try to see myself working for some time to pay off school debt but then I can’t see myself being happy if its not ministry. I just can’t see what the next step would be. I don’t know what to tell people when they ask what I will do. I’m just at a loss.
God is leading me to trust him more, to give up control, and to leave everything in his hands. At times I feel anxious, not knowing what is to come and at others I’m at peace, knowing that I don’t have to worry about the next step. I’ve been planning what steps to take since I was in sixth grade and now I’m just taking it a day at a time. Holding on to the belief that God really is in control of my life. That he knows how life will fall into place. That he knows what steps I have to take or what conversations I need to have. I will not allow fear to rob me of what God has in store. In this time I put my trust, faith, and hope in him. El Roi the God who sees me is in control.
Mortals make elaborate plans,
but God has the last word.
Proverbs 16:1
