This lie that has been planted and deeply rooted into me; I have been told that I was too much, I was too dark, wait no too black, too skinny, too loud, too rough, too boyish, my hair was too rough and nappy, too happy, too joyous, too serious, too mean, too colorful, too curvy. What this did to me had made me think that anything that happened to me was my fault, it was my fault that I was not l top of my class, that it was my fault that people did not like me, that it was my fault I was unapproachable, that I was my fault that I was alone and single.
Being on the race God has brought it back up for me to heal and understand who He has created me to be and who has actually been attacking me. On the race, you are constantly surrounded by people, your team, your squad never alone and with that you are always surrounded by different people, personalities and with different personalities come different triggers and different ways of communication. I had a choice, be a part of this very scary yet growing and amazing group of people or put on my many mask and fake it and just focus on my relationship with God; I choose both and with that all the stuff started coming back up. I felt once again in this bubble of Christian friends that I was too much, my relationship with the Holy Spirit was too much for anyone to understand, my boundaries were too much, I was too rough, I was too old, I was too smart, I had too much to say, I was too much for the squad and team. I was too bold, my words were too much, my actions were too much, I was once again too much for the environment I was in.
God had me right where He needed me and exactly where I wanted to be, see I never shy away from growth, I am a firm believer if you are alive, you should be growing in one way or another. The thing that stood out in this amazing book, is how satan has hated women from the beginning of creation, how he was jealous because he was once the most beautiful creation of God until Eve and with Eve God said that she was the most beautiful creation He had ever created, even more beautiful than nature and all of creation and that made satan angry and jealous, so what does he do, he goes after her and after her identity and who caused confusion in who God said she really is. Wait, what I felt like I knew this already but did I? Did I really understand how jealous the enemy was of me, I did not; I knew he was anger but never jealous. And with that the truth set itself free in me, God release truth in my heart and soul. He spoke to me and said yes you Oriolyne Ruchama Lubin are too much, you are too much for this world that you are in, you are too much for people who try to hide behind mask, you are too much for those who are not ready for truth and growth, you are too much for those who do not know or live in who they truly and fully are in Christ and that is who God created me to be. He created me to be too much, too much boldness that causes me to fight for the broke, the hurt, the lost, the misunderstood, the forgetting, the voiceless, the weak, the confused and the hopeless. God created me to be too much love, joy and happiness which He allows me to share with people who struggle to find joy in such a broken and sinful world, to share it with people who feel invisible and unwanted. He created me to be too loud so the lost can hear me share his word and be drawn to all He has for them, He created me to be a bold, outspoken, bold, wonderful, never perfect, incomplete but complete in Him, woman of God, of the Trinity.
God is soo amazing, even if we don’t always understand what He is up too, we walk by faith and not sight. This month in Ghana after God asked me what I wanted, and I responded fun but God being the father and friend, that He has been showing me He is and wants to be, opened doors and opportunities for me to release and uproot all the unhealthy stuff that He nor I had any use for. As a squad we have a good number of books floating around that we pass on as we finish reading, this month my teammate Julia R (she has been on my team since month one) received a book as her white elephant gift (we had a squad white elephant during our New Year’s Eve celebration). The book captivating; she kept referring to the book and how ironic that she received it as a gift and how God has been speaking to her through the book to the point she decided she needed a break. Now this book as being highly spoken of between the women of our squad. Being the curious being that I am, I picked it up and decided to see what all the hype was all about, and I felt like the authors took my heart and just started digging, it was as if they were speaking directly to me, face to face, eye to eye, heart to heart.
I want to encourage everyone, man, woman, children who think they are too much or not enough that you are who God says you are, get into your Bible, heck, Google, all the amazing things that God says you are and has written in the Bible. Ask Him who He says you are because at not fault of people, you have been told by someone that you were weak, ugly, too skinny, too fat, not worth it, too strong, too much of a woman to ever get married, too demeaning, too anxious, too you to even matter in this world and all those things are of satan. He uses people that are close to us, he uses words and situations to try to break us down and keep us away from the person God created us to be and enough is enough. Its time to fight back, fight back the lies, fight back and uproot all the lies that have made home in our hearts, its time to say no more and gather as people and help love each other and bring truth to one another. Do not allow insecurities and jealousy to keep us from fighting the lies of satan.
My name is Oriolyne and I am enough!!
Update
V Squad is in Nepal! We have met up with our squad and journeyed to Asia and your girl is excited. This month Oaks of Righteousness will be coming together with Ronel (our other all girls team) and be one team Oaks of Ronel.
Be praying for traveling mercies, for everything to go smoothly.
Be praying for unity as two teams come together as one and doing ministry and life together for a month.
Be praying for the entire squad this following month, just amazing ministry opportunities ahead for us all.
Be praying for us who are not fully funded to be fully funded by the end of Nepal and for us to remaining leaving it in Gods hands and trusting Him fully.
Be praying for life and heart changing moments and opportunities wherever we are.
