It’s month 10, we are in Malaysia, I am in a funk, trying to process with The Trinity and about to be completely honest with the blog world.
I don’t want to go home, my friends and family are counting the days down until I am back in the United States and I am here in Malaysia not wanting to go home. I do miss my friends and family, however, I am not the same person I was when I left them. They are expecting this person that I am no longer, they are expecting a person that will make decisions base on friends and family and that I no longer am. So much has changed in me during the past 10 months and most of my people outside the world race have no idea. They have no idea of the growth or who I have become.
On the flip side, I am ready to leave the world race bubble and start running this race. As much as I have grown to love and value community, I am ready for a break, I am ready for normal community, 24/7 community is alot and I am ready for a break. I am ready to try and figure out what a community looks like that isn’t forced. I love love my V squad family and I plan to keep them forever, however, we were placed in a beautiful situation where we had to figure out community and as time went on, we had to depend and lean on one another because no one outside of V squad really truly understands our language.
I, Oriolyne, want to figure out what it looks like to be part of a community that is formed outside of the world race bubble and formed in the world. To do that I have to go home, where I am not ready to go too. yeah I am confuse, confuse but ready. Ready to teach people who the new and better Oriolyne is, to walk with others and invite them to walk with me as I try to figure out what it looks like for me to get back into my friend and family circle without loosing myself.
I think one of the hardest things for me to know and walk through is knowing that as I pour my heart out, that most of my friends and family won’t read this blog and that makes it harder for me, well it just means I have to fight harder for ME. It means that I will have to explain more and have tons and tons of grace.
So here I am with less than fifty days left on the field and bubble of V squad and the world race, on a church floor surrounded by my wonderful teammates and sleeping pads and soaking in all of it, soaking in the last two months left with my new family, and realizing soo much change is about to happen and there is nothing I can do to stop it. What I am going to do is pray and enjoy every second of what we have left.
So here’s to being confuse, in a funk and sitting in all of it with The Trinity. Here’s to V squad, we got this y’all and we are going to finish stronger and harder than we began 10 months ago.
LET’S GET IT!!!!!
