It has been a tough week, the people who are suppose to love you are usually the ones who hurt you the most. I have been processing and going through this with God the past few weeks. Usually I do not do well with emotions and attachments but since training camp God has done such a change in my heart & soul and He asked me to feel…Feel, Yes He asked me to feel the emotions that He has created in me to feel. So with an obedient heart, I have been feeling.
This has not made leaving easier, it has been a TOUGH week…first up my PERSON. Everyone has a person, the person that you love harder for, the person you soften up for, the person that when you first laid eyes on them you changed without even knowing it, the person that you will fight to the end for….My person is 9 1/2 years old. She is my twin, her birthday is my half birthday and she makes me a better person & she made me an aunt. This person I speak of is my niece, I call her my miracle baby. why you ask? well there are many reasons…
She was born 3 months before the doctors expected (God knew), which also happens to be my half birthday (6 months before my birthday). She has been pushing me to be a better me from before birth, see when her mom was pregnant, I only had my drivers permit, since she decided to come early and I was the only one home with her mom, guess who was forced to conquer her fear of driving on the highway with 16 wheeler…yes this girl!! From day one she has pushed me to do and be more.
When I am with her, I see a better, more kind and loving version of myself…the way she loves & cares is what I aspire to be one day. soo to MY person, I love you more than the stars in the galaxy and beyond. I love the way you love and I will take all the lessons you have taught me and share those with the people I come into contact with on my race.
Next up…the FamBam!!
God is soo kind and loving. I have been trying to figure out how will I be able to tell my family bye. Especially the older generation (yes I am found of them & they love me).
& just like that FAMILY GATHERING!! haha I win!!
so yesterday I got to see all my people but most of all I got to see them happy, fill with laughter and joy. I witness my mom dancing with her siblings and her aunt. In that moment God spoke sweet words to me…It is well with my soul. God bless me with time, time to spend with my younger cousins and to meet the new generation that I had not had the privileged of meeting. He blessed me with conversations that were filled with laughter and promise. He showed me how much my family needed intercession pray and HIM!! He showed me that what He called me to, going on the world race had little to do with me and soo much more to do with Him getting back His children that are lost in the world, about getting back a family that has gotten sidetrack by the world and what it has to offer. He showed me a love that our grandparents before us sowed and continues to grow. He showed me that I am not fighting only for myself but generations!!!
So as God has asked me to feel..I have, I have felt anger towards the attacks of the enemy, I felt even more anger when the enemy used my family to TRY & distract me. I felt sadden by all the lost souls around me, sadden with the goodbyes. I have felt love, a love that only family can give you…love from younger cousins who support you more than you anticipated, love from aunts who embrace you and you feel the love leaving them and filling you. Love from great aunts who always tell you that they are praying for you and cry when they pray.
I have felt a range of emotions and it excites me..the girl who use to run from feelings, the girl who grew up hiding feelings because she was taught emotions will get you killed…see I am happy about all these feelings because it shows me how closer to God my soul is. Closer to the one who created feelings for good, the one who has soo much to teach me about me.
so with 11 days to go..YES I leave in 11 days to go to 11 countries for 11 months!!!
Update
1. still need help reaching my $10,000 goal. Looking for partners to come along side me by donating.
A) Looking for 10 people to commit to a one time donation of $100
B) Looking for 20 people to commit to $50 monthly.
2. PRAY!!!!
A) Be praying for my squad, its been a rough few weeks for us, the enemy is upset & attacking us, so be praying for us to continue to fight for each other and for Gods peace to continue to reign over us.
B) Looking for 15 people to commit to being out pray warriors, who will pray for us everyday as we go into war.
Thank you to everyone who has been a support!!!
Beloved,
Oriolyne L.
