The World Race is an adventure.
I became a Christian years ago. I have loved God. I know who He is. I’ve known Him for a while. But I didn’t trust Him with my life. I kind of picked out parts of God that I wanted to accept and ignored the ones I didn’t want. I didn’t believe He always wanted the best for me and that was because I believed that I knew what was best for myself.
I know God differently now.
Same God. Different relationship.
The World Race has been a crazy adventure. I have been given a gift. It is a gift to reach out with love to people who don’t know Him yet or who just want to be loved. I’m not bringing God to the nations. God doesn’t say to take Him. He says to spread the news to the nations. He is already there but people are unaware. We are supposed to bring people to God, not God to people. He has already done that.
I’ve grown a lot, both emotionally and spiritually.
I still have my petty struggles and I still complain when I’m hot. I forget to count my blessings.
But what God is doing in my life right now is making me depend on Him for everything— especially my worth.
I have always found my worth in people. Someone has always needed me in some way. At times it was for advice, for help in projects, or sometimes people just needed me to watch a movie with them. I have always felt needed. I found my worth in that. My thought was that if I’m needed then I am worthy. I don’t know what exactly I’m worthy of but obviously it was something and that’s what mattered.
God has taken me for a loop with that.
He has put me in a situation where I am needed but not needed because I’m their only resort. I liked that though. I liked being needed. I liked being the answer.
I’m surrounded by women whose answer is always God. And when they do come to me for anything, I point them to God. God is the answer. God is what people need. I am not enough but He is.
And honestly, I like that.
What I don’t like is that I’m having trouble finding my worth. Common struggle, right?
My heart is changing though. I sometimes have to constantly remind myself of the truth. Other times, I just don’t believe it. I think that since people don’t need me, I am not worthy of anything. I had placed so much of my worth in people that when it came down to it, I was ultimately dependent on them. I needed them more than they needed me.
Now, I’m left with my hands open, reaching out for anyone to yell out, “help”. But why should they yell out for me when I can only do so much. Why wouldn’t they just go straight to the source.
DUH.
I’m on this adventure to find my worth. And I am finding it. The best part is that the more than I find myself in Him, the more I want more of Him.
Now, what i’m actually doing on the field varies. Pretty much, I build relationships with people. It can be by being a lumberjack for a month in Estonia or teaching English in Latvia. Every interaction I have with people is intentional. On our days off, we walk around the cities we are in. Occasionally, we find people to pray over for. Ministry is life. Life is ministry. It is a constant thing that should never stop.
I’m going to China next. I’m really excited. I hope to hold a panda. I also hope to love people well.
When I first arrived to Estonia, my team was with an organization called Village of Hope. Men go there to be freed from their addictions— drugs, alcohol, etc. It’s like a rehabilitation center that is centered on Christ. I was only there for two weeks but I left a piece of my heart there. I was cutting down trees with men with dark pasts but with futures that shined with Christ’s light. We were able to pour into them as they were able to pour into us. They called us family. They have visitors all the time but they said we were special.
It’s an honor.
It’s an honor, gift, and treasure to be able to do this. I can’t believe I get to do this.
But I need your help.
I want to continue this journey I know as a gift.
I have to raise the remaining amount of funds by the end of the month. Now, here is the kicker. I won’t have any internet this month. This is one of the last times I will be online. So I have three things to ask you for:
1. Prayer. I’m going to be in so much prayer. Faithful prayer that recognizes that God listens and responds. Will you just pray that through people, God provides. I already know He will.
2. Share. Spread the news. Spread my story. When I was in the hospital, my blogs reached over 3,000 views in 24 hours just because people were sharing my story.
3. Support. Would you consider supporting me financially in order to stay in the place where I truly believe God wants me to be.
It would be an honor to continue this journey.
