If there is one thing that I am learning, it is this; it’s all about having a relationship with the Father. Whether I am giving, receiving, sleeping, serving, eating or doing my devotions. The main key to everything is having a relationship with the Father. I’ve been asking the Lord lately, what is it that you are teaching me in this season?
Everything that I have been hearing from him is he just wants a relationship with me. It’s not about raising support, it’s not about going to the World Race, it’s not about working, it’s all about a relationship with the Father who created me to be his daughter. There isn’t anything I can do to earn his affection, his affection is ever towards me. My identity is found solely in the king who rules the world, I am his beloved and he is mine. t’s amazing to see that he created me in His likeness, who he is, lives inside of me. I don’t need to go find who I am, all I need to do is set my eyes on him and see how he moves.
Through this journey, I’ve had several insecurities come up. I felt not good enough, I felt disqualified, and I felt fear. Fear of the unknown has cloaked himself in a design called the World Race. When I think about fundraising, I am strapped in fear because I don’t know what is to come. What does the WorldRace hold for me? Would 11 months away from my “comforts” be hard? What about my dreams of settling down, will that never happen? Am I even excited? What if I can’t commit to anything?
So many questions that have gone unanswered. But, there is one thing that has given me comfort. These questions bring me closer to the Fathers’ heart. They push me towards who he says I am, and who he believes I am. Having a relationship with the Father is the most important out of everything then having faith in what is to come. I can have faith, but faith without knowing his character towards me is pointless. We will wander away from faith because it’s black and white. To know who he is is to love the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind. It’s to have a hunger to understand his heart and learn what his voice sounds like. That hunger increases the more you spend time to his and the more we step into the grace he’s given us.
It’s been stretching because I have about 4 weeks and five days to raise $4,950, but it isn’t about how much I need to raise. The numbers mean nothing to me because the Lord can do it, I know that much. But, what I am most worried about is being so consumed with the numbers that I leave having a relationship with him. That I won’t celebrate the times when there is no money and give thanks for what he is going to do. I am afraid that I won’t be thankful for what He is teaching me at this moment. I am afraid that I’ll start seeing his goodness in black and white. My hunger is to see God in every moment and that my life will be consumed with worship in every aspect of life. I want to have a heart that is so intuned to his heartbeat that even in the mundane, I can see him. I pray that in this season for me I can see his heartbeat for me. That in every moment I can celebrate what he is doing.
I pray this for you too, that the hunger you have will increase.
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1) There should be a donate button above where you can donate straight to me.
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