I’m going to admit something here that is going to make me sound like a terrible missionary.
I don’t like evangelism.
So picture me, plopped in a village in the middle of nowhere, being told to evangelize in ways I’m not used to, living in a way I never thought I would live. You want to know what I figured out about myself really quickly? For as much as I told myself I had no expectations going into this year, I actually had a LOT of them. My first month of ministry involved a lot of me stumbling through my own crap and learning what it means to function in discomfort. And not only to function there, but to rest, live, and do life in discomfort. Getting my pride knocked off its pedestal and learning that life isn’t all about my comfort is a sucker punch to the throat. Four weeks of feeling like a mediocre missionary at best, and like I was being completely ineffective at worst.
Month two, we arrive to our ministry site for, lo and behold, more evangelism. Great, I thought, outside of my comfort zone for another month. What I didn’t realize is that I didn’t actually have a problem with evangelism, I had a problem with expectations. Expectations of what evangelism looks like, what it entails, what has to be said, the immediate effect of my words. Expectations that I didn’t have enough knowledge or influence to have any sort of impact. An expectation of evangelism that really wasn’t Jesus.
Here’s the Jesus I know. He hangs out with people, all kinds of people, for no reason other than to be love. I’ve been reading Bob Goff’s book “Love Does” (phenomenal read, highly recommend). One part in particular stuck out to me.
“When you decide to drop everything that’s typical, all that’s left is just a big idea about an even bigger God and a world that’s worn out from the way everyone else has been doing it. The world has been shouting over the noise of our programs that it doesn’t need more presidents or organizations, what it needs are more friends. If you are a sincere friend, folks around you will quickly understand that there’s no hidden agenda and nothing on the other side of the equals sign- just you.”
I think I heard an audible click in my head as I read those words and everything fell into place. Moments over the past five weeks rolled through my mind like a really long movie trailer. Joking with our translator, dancing to baby shark with hoards of children, hearing the joys and fears of the midwife at the village hospital, making coffee for and singing with the blind man who came over every day, hearing the story of the woman at the smoothie shop, laughing and singing Taylor Swift with a group of teenage girls. My failures rolled through too. The days I didn’t engage in the conversation because I was hot and wanted to leave, the times ministry didn’t look like I wanted it to and my attitude ruined any chance of having sincere conversation. But in that moment that it clicked, I knew that even my failures didn’t matter, because I’m not the point- Jesus is. Whether or not I have the right words isn’t the point, the point is to be a friend. A real, human, emotional, fun, empathetic, friend.
So I’m leaving my box of evangelism at the trash pile. I’m following the example of Jesus and leading a life overflowing with love. Here’s my mission for the next ten months: to make as many REAL friends in every country I go to. To hear more stories and talk less about myself. To follow my natural curiosity and learn about people that I would normally never get the chance to meet. To find out what makes Ethie laugh the hardest, or what song Elizabeth likes to sing in her head, or what makes Ben get fired up, or how Rebecca learned how to sew, I want stories. I want friends. I want the kind of love relationships Jesus had.
What will this year look like? I have no idea. But I’m FULL of expectations. I expect to meet incredible people. I expect to share adventures with new friends. I expect hugs, and hard goodbyes. I expect to leave pieces of my heart everywhere I go. I expect good things. I expect struggle. I expect stories. I expect Jesus to show up in ways I still can’t fathom. I expect to see more of His love everyday. I expect to learn from the people around me. I expect to change. I expect to meet joyful people, and hurting people, and broken people, and strong people. I expect friends.
