As much as I want to tell you ALL about training camp, it would take a book to explain it all. After over a week of trying to process everything that happened at camp, I figured I would give you a small glimpse of what God did in my heart in those 10 days. If you want to know more about my experience, my squad, or how to take a bucket shower, please feel free to contact me!
Enjoying the Journey
I am very self aware at times. In the past, I would notice things I didn’t like about myself and try to fix it. Which is good to an extent, but the actions I would normally take to fix these things weren’t healthy. I would focus so much on trying to better myself, that I would start to believe that I couldn’t love myself because I wasn’t good enough where I was. This thought process would force me into questioning myself and questioning God. I would start to hate myself, hate where I was, and become depressed. I would always get confused as to why this cycle never stopped. My intentions were good, but I was always falling short and falling back into old habits and old thought processes. I knew I was going wrong somewhere but had no idea where.
Through training camp, God began to show me where I was going wrong and began to show me that overanalyzing was consuming me and ripping me apart. He made me realize I was trying to do it all on my own and be independent from Him. He started to make me see that I was becoming self-focused, and not God focused. (ouch!)
God wants to walk beside me on this journey not just watch me walk through it. When I was centered in on fixing things in my life, I wasn’t allowing Him any room to work through me and that is why I would fail. I was trying to transform the journey rather than letting the journey transform me.
God is continuing to show me how to enjoy my journey of life, not just dream about my destination. He has taught me to look back at my past and be joyful of my accomplishments that bring me to where I am in the present, rather than look to the future and become aggravated how far I have left to travel like I did in the past. I still have times when I struggle with this but then I am reminded to look back at where I was a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, and I can’t help but smile and be absolutely in love with where I am today.
