Over the past few weeks I’ve been meditating on my time in Malawi and what exactly happened in my heart those 3 months. It was a difficult season, but why? I feel like I didn’t grow much, but when I look back, I see I am far from where I was when first walking into Malawi.
“Come to me all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
-Matthew 11:28
“Be still and know that I am God.” -Psalm 46:10
“Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow, they neither toil nor spin.” -Matthew 6:28
“My grace is sufficient.” -2 Corinthians 12:9
These 4 verses reiterated in my heart during my time in Malawi. They weren’t necessarily attached to any certain circumstance, but simply popped into my head regularly. At first I didn’t really understand, but after some thought I started to make connections. “Come to me,” “be still,” “stop toiling and spinning,” “watch me grow you,” “for my grace is all you need.” These were the things God was telling me. He simply wanted me to rest in His presence and pursue His heart with all of mine. And even if it felt like I wasn’t doing anything, He grew me. He turned my face to His divine light and poured out blessings of what it means to draw near to His heart.
It’s slightly painful to look back on my time in Malawi and the physical and emotional suffering that occurred there, but I’ve realized much spiritual growth took place in that time. I leaned into the Lord so heavily in truly EVERY circumstance. Whenever I looked around, I was searching for His blessings and presence. He was on my mind constantly and there were always prayers running through my head. However, as hard as it is to admit, a part of me thinks I only did that because it felt as if there was nothing else to hold onto.
Arriving in Guatemala felt as if a weight had been lifted off my chest. I instantly fell in love with the fog-capped volcanos, plethora of flowers, color-blocked architecture, and of course the people and culture. Immediately, my previous habit of spending multiple hours a day praying, reading the Word and meditating kinda just got tossed out the window. I immersed myself in exploring Antigua, spending time seeking out the best coffee shops and restaurants I could find – while simultaneously relishing in the fact I could finally dress like a normal American girl again, makeup and everything. We even got to attend a real church! It’s been nice to listen and be filled by the messages there. Team Bible studies and our church connect group stir up good conversation with the Lord, but my occasional personal devotions have left me feeling unsatisfied. If I’m being honest, it’s all been quite confusing because I feel a million times happier here, but it’s got me questioning whether this “happiness” is merely from the world. I’d like to believe not all of it is. It feels so genuine but I can’t figure out why it’s been so hard for me to make time for the Lord. I know the importance of this precious time with Him and how much it transforms my heart, but then a few days go by and I haven’t even thought about opening my Bible. After spending nearly 2 months already in Guatemala (WHAT), this time has forced me to reflect on what the term “mountains and valleys” really means in my life right now.
There is always going to be a valley. Not every aspect of life can fit atop that small mountain peak. In Malawi, my spiritual growth was at mountain elevation, while my emotional and mental status was wasting away in the depths of a valley. Here in Guatemala, it’s almost opposite. I feel good mentally and emotionally, but my spiritual growth seems to be placed on the back burner more often than it should. I’m learning a lot about balance, and how it’s actually pretty important to have a valley because if we can’t see one we are simply lacking in self-awareness. I’m fairly certain to have no valleys is to be Jesus himself…. which means it’s better to see a valley and begin climbing, opposed to being stuck in one while thinking you’re on a mountaintop.
Valleys are difficult, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t also blessings. The more I get to know Jesus, the more I understand that everything can be a blessing if we have our faith founded in Him. So as frustrating as it is, I’ll keep climbing up this valley. I know my redeemer is walking right next to me, even if I can’t see or feel Him sometimes. I guess I can rejoice in the fact this happened now instead of when I got home. I’ve had a little taste of what it will be like to have the busy world occurring all around me, but I’ve learned I must not let the distractions of the world get in the way of who really sustains me. Life is so, so busy, but our loving Father not only wants our attention, but knows how much we need the direction that can only be found in Him. I pray this week you can turn your face toward the blessings the Lord has placed in your life, including the valleys needing to be climbed – no matter how long you’ve been stuck in them. He wants to travel with us every step of the journey, I hope you choose to join Him.
T-minus 30 days until I’m back home in that states… that’s INSANE. I never knew time could pass so slowly and so quickly at the same time. The old saying “They days are long, but the ye[months]ars are short.” proves to be true. This month we are in a town called Chichicastenango, which is about 100 miles north of Antigua. There are 22 of us here so I am excited for the opportunity to get to spend time with so many different people before we all head our separate ways. Please keep my squad in your prayers, that we would be aware to recognizing and open to receiving what the Lord has for us in these final weeks. Thank you so much for your love and support of this incredible journey.
Praying for all of you,
Olivia
