Have you ever had one of those days where you are annoyed with everything. I mean those days where nothing seems to matter, you just want everyone to be quiet and leave you alone?
Well, since we are all human, I am sure we have all had those days. I just so happen to have it at such a beautiful time. Part of my team decided to take a quick getaway to the beach. It was so fun and such a wonderful trip. On the last day, something just was not right. I want to blame it on my sleep but I can point fingers all I want but it change the fact that it was simply me and my attitude. It was roaring that day.
I was just there. I did not put effort into conversation. I did not have an opinion about anything really and if I did it was short and distant. I just wanted to escape from people ya know?
On the three day trip, we had spent one of the days tip-toeing on massive rocks,exploring the paths swimming above underwater rocks. We explored one side of the beach and it was simply breath-taking. Both ends of the beach had rocks along the shore but we had not yet gone to the other side. I was sitting there on the rock with my feet soaked in the water intrigued about the other side. (curiosity really get me sometimes. I never want to miss out on anything.) I saw a cave with some cliffs and nudged Bryan next to me wishfully joking about what if we could go up there and how awesome it would be.
So there we were on the last day of our trip with our backpacks, heading to the beach one more time. One last dip before going back to the concrete jungle of Bangkok. As we are decided where to leave our stuff, I inform my teammates that i was going to be on the other side of the beach and they all agreed that we should all check it out together. As I am walking along the beach, I am honestly just not the happiest. I was just having a bad day- bitter about everything.
The team unpacks their stuff and heads in the water. I, on the other hand, had to go the “toilet” (Thai’s don’t know the word bathroom but they know toilet) to change into my bathing suit which by the way, I had to pay to use. Of course that did not perk my attitude one bit, it even made things worse. Literally, bickering to myself about how annoyed I was the whole way back to the rocks. I am suited, hot, and the water is clear with the rocks peeking through…but I do not want to get in.
I turn and face the other way. I see a path leading to the cave. I know what I want.
As I am climbing the super steep, rocky slope, consisted of loose rocks, I get a huge wave of commitment to get to the top. While I haul myself up, I begin to talk to myself. Ya know when you have to tell yourself little encouragements to keep yourself going. I was doing just that only more so to let out the tension I had in head.
As the path got steeper, I was relying on my own strength to push me up, quick thoughts of me sliding back down would creep here and there-imagining how it would suck if my team had to take me to the hospital, or if some animal would jump out and eat me.
Now if I would have fallen, it would be painful but I would only get a few scrapes so it was not like a fall to my death. But I’ll tell you what, I had a lot of sweat and dirt all over my body. Try climbing up a vertical pile of loose sawdust. Not easy! There was nothing to grab and dust everywhere. I panicked a few times but I got up! I had made it to the center of the open cave. I was shaking from the climb but boy was the view something to gaze at.
Now I am pretty small. I am small boned, not too much fat and not enough muscle. I like to think to myself that I am tough and that I could easily beat someone up with one blow. But then I step into reality that I just have to face the facts: I am just not as strong as I imagine. So I go back to thinking that I am really not physically strong at all.
But I was definitely strong enough to climb up. On the way up, I also was amazed at how much stronger I really am. I was so impressed on how my arms could lift my whole body up to the next grab. When I was sitting at such satisfaction at what I had just done, I knew that the Lord opened my eyes to the strength I really had in me.
All in all, I just felt like a beast! I climbed all the way up to the open cave, had the Lord right by my side, and just sat with myself and a glorious view. I was on top of the world at that point. And at that point, my whole day and attitude did a complete 180!
God knew what I needed even though I did not know exactly what is was. Maybe I just needed to conquer something on my own. Maybe I needed to be alone. Maybe I needed to find something that I wanted and go after it with full intentions. Maybe I needed to have a fear just so I could push it aside and keep going. Maybe I just needed to sweat a little bit and get dirty. Only God knows but it really made a difference in my day.
And now I have the pleasure of keeping that triumph close to heart and that view close to memory. And that just goes to show that God can use just about anything as an opportunity to grow.
It’s funny. I meant for this to be the intro of another blog but instead it became its own blog in itself. I learned so much more than what I thought I did 🙂
