She won’t let anyone touch her. When someone does she screams and just bangs her head on the ground. Why does she do this? Is it a condition or a learned response from abuse? Whatever it is, it has shaken her badly enough to refuse touch at the expense of food. Food is finally fed to her. She lays there alone staring up at me. I smile and sit by her talking. I proceed to gently touch her to see if she will allow me to get close. She reaches out a little to me. So I take a chance and go for a big tickle attack. Laughter breaks loose from her mouth. Life springs back into her. She finds love. Now she has attached herself to this love and won’t let go. The love she has found in this touch, this person quickly leaves without her control. She can’t handle it. Arms flaying, head banging, and her voice screaming out not to be forgotten or left without that love.
Papa, this is what I have experienced with little Jackie. However, it’s also what the world has done to Your beautiful children. This fallen world has torn down some of Your children. We begin to close people off in attempt to protect ourselves from harm, but we also harden our heart to You in this process. I have only recently found this out. I built so many walls my whole life. With every new wall I slowly pushed You to the “safe” distance I felt like I could keep people so they couldn’t hurt me as bad. I learned that those who would make it past my barriers sometimes hurt me the worst. Lying there weary I saw my Father as He smiled down at me. I was starving spiritually until I responded to His love filled touch. I clung to Him with everything I had. For the longest time, I was like Jackie clinging to what I thought made me feel loved, but only left me feeling unloved, unwanted, abandoned, and hurt. When I finally just let my Papa embrace me I found the love that will NEVER fail me. I pray these children find Jesus’ love.
