I’ll be honest….This is just weird

 

I have had the hardest time as of lately finding balance between being here at home and focusing on the now, and still being excited about leaving and working hard fund raising. I love where I work, I love the ministry I’m involved with at church, I love my friends, I love horseback riding, and I love the funny little ins and outs of my days. Its so weird to think that this summer I won’t have those all at my finger tips any more. I will be surrounded by a whole different group of people, many different languages, doing a different kind of ministry, and encountering injustices that I have never fully understood . I’m having a hard time because I’m so ready for that as well. I want  to be challenged where I haven’t been challenged in a while. I want to meet the group of strangers that will become my family. I want to live out of a backpack and sleep on the ground. I want to live in the poorest and dirties parts of the world so that I can love on kids who have not felt love. I want to share the pain of the young girl who has been abused by men. I want to clean the feet of an old widow. I want to bring Christs hope to those who feel like they have no hope. I want to hug those who feel, and are often literally, forgotten. I want to bring the name of Jesus Christ to places that it is not spoken of. I want to worship, and see people worship, where His name is not worshiped. I want to see God move when I can’t. I feel so torn as to how to live…I just feel ‘off’ I suppose. Its hard living ‘normally’ when I know that normal will feel like a foreign concept in only 8 months time.