In the last blog I wrote I talked about how the team we are living with has been experiencing a lot of spiritual warfare….however, in my life personally, I haven’t really experienced it. Not here anyways.
I mentioned to a teammate about how I wish I could sympathize more with the girls who are going through it…and well. Famous last words. The next night I woke up at 2:30am and was scared. I don’t know why. There was no warrant for this fear and yet, as much as I reasoned with myself, I was still scared. Everything in our tiny dorm room freaked me out and as I looked out the window to the the front courtyard, every shadow looked like a creature. I felt like I was five years old all over again. Eventually I went back to sleep but I woke up exhausted….not sleepy, but exhausted. As if I had been BATTLING something all night.
One of the biggest struggles from my past is perfection. Constantly working working working to perfect every part of myself and yet always feeling inadequate. At this point in my life the LORD has given me so much freedom from that and yet the last couple days thoughts of inadequacy seemed to enslave me.
She is SO much better at that then you are.
You just ate TWO ice cream bars….really Olivia?!
Everyone likes her better.
Squad Leaders are here again…and THEY DON’T GIVE A CRAP about you.
This ‘funk’ you are is just selfish. SO SELFISH.
You’re a FAILURE.
I feel like I have been drowning in these thoughts and gasping for air, with NO avail.
So I cry….I scream the name of Jesus.
Where are you?! Why am I feeling this way?!
I have been freed from these things, so WHY do I feel so enslaved.
Then I remember a truth that ‘Jonathan David Helser’ spoke at training camp.
“Worship changes things, it changes the atmosphere of a place.”
Good thing, I was tired of fighting. I couldn’t do it anymore. Maybe that was the point. Maybe I didn’t ever need to be fighting the way I was fighting. The battle is already won. God knows that…and so does ALL of creation.
(I mean come on….demons tremble at His name and rocks would cry out if we didn’t!)
Just welcome the SPIRIT of the LIVING GOD into a place and darkness flees. Why even give satan the time of day….
…..why give him any of our emotional energy
So we went.
We went to our meeting space, an abandoned bar on top of the local internet cafe that overlooks the University of Vlore. We plugged in an iPod. We got out our journals and Bibles. And on came Hillsong.
After about a half hour of that, the arms started going in the air, the voices louder, the speakers turned up, and worship came into its fullness.
Nine girls. In an abandoned bar in Albania. Dancing, singing at the top of our lungs, proclaiming our freedom in Christ alone. About halfway through a song called “The Anthem,” which declares much of our identity in Christ, we realized we had all taken off our jackets because we were so hot, and were all on chairs, hair flying, singing our identity at the top of our lungs to each other
We had become those crazy people from camp. Standing on chairs. Declaring truth.
I AM ROYALTY.
I HAVE DESTINY.
I HAVE BEEN SET FREE.
I’M GONNA SHAKE HISTORY.
I’M GONNA CHANGE THE WORLD.
THIS IS THE ANTHEM OF OUR GENERATION.
HERE WE ARE GOD, SHAKE OUR NATION.
ALL WE NEED IS YOUR LOVE.
YOU CAPTIVATE ME.
God showed up. Darkness fled. Chains fell off. We are free.
