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Highlights from November in Nicaragua: 24hrs in solitary confinement


Alana and I watched a nearly 3 hr movie called “Human Trafficking�. Despite some familiar Hollywood faces this movie painted heart wrenching stories of people all over the world young and old, black and white, rich and poor effected in various ways by the global trade of buying and selling human beings.


I had seen documentaries and interviews of trafficked people before but perhaps because it was a movie and so vividly showed the full spectrum of brokenness, watching it completely broke me.  it wasn’t just the horrific story of a young girl kidnapped or tricked into prostitution, it was watching that girl’s mother driven nearly mad with her marriage falling apart and money running out as she searched desperately for her vanished daughter, and things far worse that really tore me up.



Alana and I had watched it together because 1: it’s not great to watch alone and 2: it’s a good idea to discuss and pray after. But I didn’t want to talk after. I didn’t want to lose it or let myself lose is in front of Alana. I felt lost in emotion staring at a problem that seemed insurmountable. Feeling heartbroken, angry and confused I just wanted to be alone and once I was I just wept. I felt like I was mourning, like I was crying out for deliverance for the people facing such atrocities. I don’t normally respond to things so strongly and when the despair wouldn’t go away after a while I didn’t know what to do. I asked God to take the pain away but quickly retracted my prayer, I had asked God to break my heart for what broke His and I know that the deep compassion He has given me is a gift so I lied on a bed in an empty room and wept for a few hours in lamentation until I fell asleep. When I woke up, still upset I decided to fast for 24hrs, undisrupted to cry out to the Lord.

There was such a heavy weight on my heart that I laid down almost the entire 24hrs, emotionally exhausted and angrily asking God “Why?� Frustrated and trying to understand the unjust suffering so many go through I read the book of Job getting little out of it. In all honesty as I finished the 24hrs I think the only reason I started to feel better is because the shock was starting to wear off.

 There were no great revelations or break troughs probably because instead of going to God with humility I went angry and accusing. The only words He left me with: “I am Lord and sovereign over all.â€� The 24hrs was a good first step in growing closer to Him, It’s something I would like to do more often but with a different attitude.