I’m Angry!
When I walk the streets of Thailand, I get angry.
Hate is stired up in my heart.
Is this righteous good anger, burning for the justice of God? Or is this evil, non-grace filled anger?
I’m angry at the men I see with their arms around Thai women. The gray haired 5’10 60 yr old European white man, the 6’2 24 yr old American youth, the 5’4 40 yr old Thai business man.
Why??? Why does my heart hurt and stir with anger???
Because the women. I try so hard to treat women well. My parents raised me to speak well to them, serve them, love them, and encourage them in the Lord. But when I look at these men and how they treat these women as objects, as pleasure fillers, I get angry. They are not treated as women who deserve right love, God’s love. It makes me sick to my stomach when I look at these men walk in and out of hotels, holding these girls and womens’ hands.
I feel like going up angrily to that man I see standing on the street corner of a busy Bangkok red light district corner, grabbing his shirt with my hands, shaking him, yelling in his face, rebuking him, for how horrible he’s treating that woman, then grabbing the hand of the girl and walking away and bringing her to safety.
But I can’t. I can’t do this to that man I see. And I internalize this. So I sit here in Kenya, Africa, 2 weeks after leaving the streets of Thailand, and I still internalize this. I’m in a large church in a Nairobi province sitting in a chair along with 20 pastors from around the region. It is the Tuesday morning Pastors Prayer Meeting. And sitting in front of me, all I can see is the back of this 52 year old Pastor, actually, a white missionary pastor, with gray hair, and 50 pounds overweight. In this moment I am quickly reminded in my heart of my anger. I looked at him and got angry at him. Furiously angry.
Wow, in a pastors meeting, a room full of faithful, righteous men of God. And this white pastor sitting in front of me, wow, how could I be angry at him? I don’t even know him. He’s innocent of any transgression my mind put on him.
So I pray, for forgiveness. I can’t be angry at this man and I can’t keep this anger in me and plant seeds of hate or anger. Because this will only tear up my heart. I will only unnecessarily scar my heart. But I can have a holy discontent. A holy desire for justice. And this I keep. The Lord loves holiness and righteousness, for all men, even in Thailand. And I too want to keep my passion for holiness, for myself, and for others.
And so I fight on. Not with my physical fists of rage, hitting those men who treat Thai women disgustingly wrong. But I fight on in righteous justice with passion to see change. To promote with my life, my actions, my prayers, my words, righteous lives and actions of others. This includes those men. This includes praying for them, seeking to get them saved and discipling them. Turning burning and ongoing anger into a grace filled pursuit of God’s aliveness in their lives.
And so I share this story with you, this experience I had, to draw you into how this world, the nations, how Thailand and Africa, all collide inside a simple yet profound pastors prayer meeting inside my head and heart.
Salamat and Asanti Sana (thank you in thai and swahili)
