Confession time, I got lost the other day…at the worst possible time. I was working, driving with lights and sirens blaring responding to a call of a cardiac arrest, the real deal. Not the time you want to be lost. The magic voice in the radio told us that the patient was on a trail “somewhere in this general area.” Not what you want to hear in that situation. Finally, we find the trail and go off-roading for a bit then hike a hundred yards down a hill with all our gear to find what we are looking for, the fire department doing CPR on a young woman. Its on. We worked hard. We did everything we were suppose to do. We still lost her.
After she was pronounced, we all did what we are suppose to do; we began gathering our gear to get ready for the next call. It might sound insensitive, but our shift was far from over and there is always a “next call.”
But this is not a story about that woman. It is actually the story of a different woman that was there. While I was carrying some of the things we used back to our ambulance I heard a small voice behind me. “Excuse me, sir.” Turning around I saw a woman that happened to be the person that called 911 passing my partner on the trail. Thinking that she was just being polite to him, I turned and continued walking. Then again, the small voice of someone who had something to say and was not quite sure how to say it, “Excuse me. Can I have a moment of your time, sir?” I turn to find myself face to face with a woman looking at me with big eyes that have seen too much for the day. Not everybody sees what we see on a regular basis and I figure she sees all of us preparing to go on with our day and wants to ask for some kind of way to cope and do the same herself. This is what she said:
“I don’t know why I am here today. I don’t know who you are and I know that you don’t know me. Honestly, I’m not even sure what I just saw. What I do know is that God gave me a word for you. He wants me to tell you that He has an incredible calling on your life and the things you are doing in this job. He wants me to tell you that there are amazing things on the way in your life. He also wants me to remind you of something and I don’t know if it will have any significance to you, but He says to stay soft. Keep your heart open and soft for Him to work in and through. Again, I don’t know why I am here today, but I needed to tell you all of this. Have a good day.”
Now I will admit that it took while for this all to hit me. To be truthful, I kind of had my emotions turned off so that I could focus on the things I needed to do during that call and not let all the things I was seeing get to me, trust me I spared the details for a reason. But later that day I felt these words tumbling around my head and I let them hit their mark.
God is taking me on a journey. I am going to some crazy places to do some crazy things with some crazy people (looking at you teammates) which is something I never imagined I would be doing. What I realized is that God does not want a numb heart on this trip. There will be things I see at work as I prepare for this Race and especially on the trip itself that will hurt my heart and that will be on purpose. God does not want me to have a heart of stone. He wants a heart of flesh and blood able to bruise, bleed, break, and HEAL. He wants a heart He can mold to His design, a heart He can work in and through.
If you are reading this then please pray for me. Pray for my heart, that God might have total access to it. Pray that He helps me to stay soft and not let the world harden anything in me.
Side note: Still fundraising!!! If you would like to donate I would greatly appreciate it! Just look for the donate button on this blog! Thank you!!!
