i am a people-person, ask anyone who knows me.
i love hearing about their lives.
i love to be constantly surrounded by people.
i love the laughter and witty banter of close friends.
i love to LOVE people.
……and try to love them the way Jesus loves.
so this year has been incredibly difficult for me already. i am in my 5th yr of undergrad finishing up a psychology/biology major while all of the people i entered college with, matured with, grew in faith with and came to adore are out doing “grown-up” things elsewhere. my closest friends scattered around the world. can i blame them? only if i want to be hypocritical, i am leaving less than 2 months after i graduate for 11 months. i have some great friends still in columbia , do not get me wrong.
friends who desire more for God to be glorified than themselves.
who sacrifice their life for the ministry in which God has called them.
who would rather offend the “comfortable” than disobey the Lords urging on their hearts.
But, even with this around me……
loneliness crept in. i began to believe the lies i was hearing.
I was believing lies; forsaking the Truth around me…..until last night.
Thursday Nights are filled with the lovely ladies of the COL (circle of life), a bible study through Midtown Fellowship that is based on doing LIFE with each other. This year we decided to do things differently than we have the previous 2 years. Each week, one girl will lead the group….teaching what she learned since the last time she taught. Last night was my turn to teach. So i taught, and at the end we did prayer requests. As we went around the circle, each of the 5 girls shared their hearts, their lives, sin that still entangles them. Then it was my turn. And God spoke through me, truly sharing my heart with them. Through tears, I spoke of the loneliness i was feeling. I told them that i was feeling the pain of rejection. I shared how i was feeling overlooked.
THEN THE REALITY CHECK CAME……
When Jesus was betrayed by Judas, His disciples ran. He was left alone.
He felt the pain of rejection when He, who was inoccent, was traded for a murderer.
Rejected when Peter denied knowing Him three times.
He was ALONE when he was nailed to a cross to die.
……to die for the SAME people nailing him to that cross.
He understands being overlooked.
He can understand all of the emotions we go through because He felt them.
He experienced them Himself in flesh, while dying a death we deserve.
all while He was doing His Father’s will
In Mark 14: 36 Jesus cries out “Abba Father, everything is possible for you. please take this cup of suffering away from me. YET I WANT YOUR WILL TO BE DONE, NOT MINE.”
This realization opened my eyes to see the BEAUTY in front of me. God is working out HIS WILL IN MY LIFE….and that is beautiful. I am not alone, I am being prepared for what is to come. And God, who is faithful, is beside me. I am not rejected, I am accepted and loved by the King of Kings, the faithful, patient, merciful and gracious Jesus Christ. I am not concerned any longer with being overlooked. Overlook me, please, and keep your gaze on the Lord.
My heart has been re-newed. My eyes have been opened.. My ears have been cleaned out. My mind has been transformed.
I have no idea what this year coming up will bring before i leave for 11 months,
but one thing i do know is this:
My prayer will continue to be “I want your will to be done, not mine.”
