The El Camino, or The Way of St James, is a series of trails all over Europe that converge at one main point: Santiago, Spain. Never in my life have I ever wanted to hike 240km through 2 countries to a church for no reason. A lot of people take this journey to find themselves, find some sort of spiritual awakening, and also to test their bodies and just trek for a few weeks. We have been traveling for the last 10 months and then decided this was the best way to end our World Race, hiking 150 miles. To me, this originally sounded like insanity. I did everything in my power to make alternate plans and to do no such thing as hiking a city trail for 2 1/2 weeks. It didn’t work out in my favor though; I was going to have to hike the trail or live alone in Spain for a month. For some, the second option sounds amazing. However, you have to realize I forgot what being alone means so I would go clinically insane in a country where I barely speak the language. I want community, accountability, and I don’t want idle boringness. I’m learning how to choose in to community while still reaching out to others and balancing that with healthy alone time. I’m learning how much time I can waste on my own and just how much time I will waste back at home if I don’t do something with my life. I didn’t intend on starting this new season of life by wasting a month in a foreign country.
So, here I go. I’m hiking the Camino trail with a group of friends. We have fun, we have laughs, sometimes we have tension, we have family dinner and one night we (I) even had bed bugs (honestly shocked that was my first experience this whole year). Mostly though, you get used to waking up, packing your bag, and then setting aside the first 4-7 hours of your day for trekking across the country to your next city that has an Albergue (hostel for cheap). In this time, you can get lost in your own head, you can fill your head with distractions, or you can learn to use this seemingly boring time for good.
So far it’s been about 2 weeks. Ive started a habit of leaving the first hour on the trail for just clearing my head and meeting God. No headphones, no stimulus, and sometimes talking to the pack but eventually we all spread out anyway. This is the time I allow God to renew my mind and spirit—I need it dude. I ask Him to heal my body, to forgive me for anything I need, to speak to me clearly, to show me what needs to be broken up inside of me, and honestly I just chat with my papa. THIS IS HUGE PEOPLE. I knew before about prayer and time with God, but not intimately. I’ve learned that you can just babble on like a crazy person and God wants to hear that. I’ve learned you can be quiet and ask a question at a time and wait for an answer. I’ve learned you can honestly go from zero to the most joyful, childlike soul in minutes. I don’t look forward to hiking this trail full of cobblestone, rain, and 2 hurt legs—though I’m enjoying it way more than at the beginning—but I for sure look forward to that time with God.
Next I listen to my body—a new term for me. Do you need to rest? Or do you actually need to rest or can you keep going? Are you walking unbalanced? Is that because of posture or how your bag is packed? Have you eaten/drank enough? Have you stretched enough? Can you keep going? I’ve pushed myself physically in the past with being an athlete and learning to workout again in a different season of life—but I’ve never so intentionally listened to my body. I’ve never hurt my legs like this but still pushed to stretch them and keep going. I’ve never allowed myself to rest too long because of pride—now I have to sometimes. I’ve never been ok with just doing what I needed for fear of failure. But here I am, listening.
Lastly, I’ve learned to listen more to my heart. For example, I was just with 2 friends the first few days. There was something off kilter and I couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. I blamed others for having a poor disposition. I assumed they didn’t want to talk about it. When we did talk, it didn’t help much. But then listening to my heart I knew there was something more..in them but mostly in me. Something wasn’t settled that was causing me to have conflict with people for no reason. We met up with other friends and I was able to see how I interacted with them. My heart said take a day break and see how it goes. I decided to leave later than my group and be alone and within 20 minutes I felt sick knowing I needed to change my disposition and fix it. I listened to what my heart said (and God) about fixing my eyes in a positive direction and to stop picking on people for the little things. There’s too much tension at the end of the race because a season is coming to a close and people are sensitive (me included). We are trying to cope with what’s coming without even knowing what that is. I realized I needed to become more softened as I head home. I needed to be the encourager I truly am and not always a jokester. And I’m still working! I also have to listen to my heart with every answer I give. Everyone wants to know what I’m doing in my future—right now God hasn’t answered. So my heart says wait and be ok with that, patiently. I know my dreams and goals, and those have to win over pride, greed, guilt/shame, and any other emotion sent from the enemy. I have to be ok with where I am even if I don’t exactly know where I’m going..or why I’m going.
My friend Val joked that “life was like the camino…pointless”. Though I mostly agree, because I have no idea why I’m doing this still, I think I see another option. Life is like a Camino because there are days you’ll need to rest when others don’t, it’s ok. There are days you need to push yourself. There are days to be alone and days to know better and call on your community. There are ups and downs and cobblestones that hurt and you know you have to get up and do the same thing tomorrow. Mostly, you know you’re headed towards something..but sometimes you have no idea why, what, who, where etc. I feel that right now on a whole other level. But I know I need to keep going, if not for any other reason than to just finish the race well.
I’ll be home so soon and I canNOT wait. For now, I’m learning and sweating somewhere in Spain. I encourage you to go listen today! It’s been a great change for me!
