this morning during worship i journaled to the Lord about how my heart was aching over a multitude of things- one of them being how i have recently been feeling that i don’t have anything to offer my team, squad, or the kingdom. i asked the Lord what i could offer him & this is what he said, plain & simple:
“your heart. i just want your heart. open & ready for me to rest upon it. that’s all.”
something so simple, but so crucial to intimacy with the Father. today was also our last activation thursday teaching from the adventures guatemala staff & the topic was “a fresh yes.” Something that Gabe, one of the staff members, said that wrecked me was this: “that we would be a people of character, who wouldn’t be moved by emotions or experiences, but by truth. who would just lay down before the Father.” during this season i have experienced a lot of being moved by those very things- emotions & experiences. throughout the teaching & worship after, i was giving myself to the Lord again & with that i was also receiving the Gospel again. God’s patience, faithfulness, truth, & love washed over me. after worship the staff announced that we were going to be doing baptisms today- aka one of my favorite things in the entire world! i myself was baptized two years ago during my first year of college, & it was then that my journey of actual intimacy with the Father began. since then however i allowed myself to be moved by the world, emotions, experiences, & sin- thanks God for grace & patience. as the baptisms began i suddenly got the Holy Spirit feeling in my stomach that ALWAYS happens when He’s pushing me into obedience. i knew that i was supposed to give Him my fresh yes. as my heart continued to beat faster & faster i said to the Lord “okay, if i’m supposed to do this, tell me through someone here right now.” minutes later Emalani turned to me & said “Nikki are you trying to be baptized right now?” all i could do was laugh & i told her what i had just told the Lord minutes before, along with that i wanted her to be the one to baptize me. the second i came up out of the water i felt so much peace & the Lord gave me this vision: as i rose up out of the water & turned around, i saw murky water. everything i was before going underwater washed off- the comparison, the shame, the anxiety, the lies, and the sin- all of it was washed off of my body & now lay in the water.
so today i got to say “i do” all over again to the one who loves me greater than anyone ever has or will. to the one who looks at me & sees purity, boldness, & goodness. today i got to renew my vows & even expand them. today i left it all in the water. thank you Jesus.
thanks for reading everyone!
all my love,
nikki
