It’s 11:55 pm & I need to be up at 7 to get ready for work, buuuttt suddenly quiet time with my father ended in me grabbing my journal and the pen dancing like CRAZY across the page.
So here it is guys, 11:55 pm thoughts with Nikki.
A lot of my life, I’ve struggled with my worth and identity…even before I was a believer. I would ask myself questions like these:
Why don’t boys look at me like they look at her?
Why doesn’t my body look like that?
Why isn’t my family dynamic like theirs?
Why aren’t I loved like that?
What is wrong with me?
Why am I so unworthy?
I’d pick at my skin, pull at my hair, attempt to change my personality…anything to try and be anyone other than myself. Anyone other than who God created me to be. This was all to simply be desirable to whoever was watching.
Sometimes I view my relationship with the Father like I’m slow dancing with the cutest boy in school. Trying my hardest to make sure my steps are correct, that I’m always smiling, and that I’m always polished.
I’ve since realized that my relationship with Jesus is exactly the opposite of polished. I mess up. I fail. I fall short.
But mercy.
But grace.
But love.
Jesus doesn’t expect perfection from us, in fact it’s something thats quite unattainable for us. What he wants from us, is repentance, obedience, and the will to want to always seek him and look more like Him. He wants us to run right into His open arms and lay it all down. He delights in showing us mercy!
forgiven. blameless. chosen. loved. This is how God sees us! Despite our shortcomings. Despite our failure.
Gang, our Father is so cool. I love these moments, sitting in silence with Him and talking to Him and enjoying Him. Thanks God. Thanks.
Hey, if y’all haven’t heard Mercy by: Amanda Cook I HIGHLY recommend giving it a listen. In fact, it’s been on repeat the entire time I’ve been writing this blog!
Thanks so much for tuning in & reading this everybody!
All the love,
Nikki
