Moving Forward, Trusting God, Going Home

“I wonder if I should go home.”

They were words I never thought I would utter, even to myself. When I signed up for the race, I signed up for the whole journey.  All 11 months, all 11 countries. In it with my whole heart.

 Then month 6 happened. We were in Vietnam and everything seemed to be stressing me out. It wasn’t so much one thing or another, but a multitude of small things that began to pile up because none of them were getting better or going away. 

The ministries we were placed with weren’t working out. We had to move several times for various reasons, once being for safety. We were in the city and I’m a country girl for the most part. (I’m the type that needs space and green and sunlight.) People were crammed in like sardines in little tin box buildings that seemed to grow up out of the concrete ground and blot out the sun. Trying to cross the street was like playing frogger with the motos coming at you like a giant school of tuna. 

The one consistent ministry that I did have was working at an orphanage in the mornings with another girl. (Which I loved and this was the highlight of the month for me.) But we still had to ride hot, sweaty buses for 3 hours round trip for about an hour and a half of ministry. I was having headaches and toothaches and my financial situation wasn’t great. Some things were going on back in the states that made me wonder if I shouldn’t be there instead. Needless to say, it was a struggle for me. 

So I slowly began to let go of Africa. Telling myself things like “it wasn’t the reason you went on the race,” “your heart burned more for Asia” and “maybe God doesn’t need you to go to these places in this time.” I could feel it slipping though my fingers like grains of sand. 

But deeper in my heart I knew that I didn’t want that. I knew the truth. I was angry with myself for thinking these things. I didn’t want to give up, be a quitter. I was a bit at war with myself. My heart wanted to go to Africa but my head began to tell me that it didn’t make sense to continue. My heart and my head could not reconcile their differences. 

Then, slowly but surely, my heart began to win. I was very randomly able to watch the movie, Machine Gun Preacher, in a place called Bobby Brewers in Vietnam. Bobby Brewers is a restaurant and my team was there for dinner, but they also play movies which you can watch for free. I was really excited to see this movie because my friend, Mandalynn, had a part in it as the daughter’s friend. Sitting upstairs in the dark of the mini theater, watching this movie about Sam Childers and his work in Uganda and Sudan, my heart began to burn again for Africa. I knew then that I didn’t really want to leave. I didn’t want to go back to the states. I wanted to journey to Africa and fulfill whatever God had planned for me there. 

I came across a quote from Oliver Wendall Holmes that says, “Where we love is home. Home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.” Even though my feet have yet to go to Africa, these 11 countries are my home for this year and a piece of my heart is already there in Kenya, Uganda, Tanzania and Malawi. 

But I cannot get there by myself. I once again must ask for your help. I still need about $1400 to be able to continue on to these African countries. Please hit the SUPPORT ME button in the left column and prayerfully consider giving. Monthly donations are still welcome if it’s easier to spread out your donation over the next 5 months. 

I really feel that Africa is supposed to be home for May through August of 2012.

PLEASE HELP ME GO HOME!