Constantly people have been telling me what an amazing experience this is going to be. That they wish they did something like this. Now is the time to do something like this, they tell me.
What they are saying is right, but it didn’t hit me until now what I am really leaving behind. As I look around at the people I love and care for, I am realizing I am leaving them behind. I was with some friends this weekend and it was hard for me. I didn’t know what was going on until my friend, Brittney, asked if I was “detaching”. At first I responded with a quick no, but the more I thought about it the more it came clear to me this was true. I had started to detach from the people around me. This whole journey leading up to the World Race has been a process, but now it is hitting me hard. I am leaving family and friends, missing numerous weddings and trips with friends. I am leaving the comfort of my life here in California where I have more than I need. And I am jumping into the unknown. Jumping out of my comfort zone and I am beginning to get nervous and anxious.
I know without a doubt this is what God wants me to do, but the devil is at work and feeding me with lies about the things I love and showing me the faces of those I will miss. He isn’t making this easy for me.
I never thought “detaching” would happen to me. I am starting to remove myself from life here in the states. I never thought about leaving and how hard it would be. I only thought about the big adventure I was going on, being able to travel the world. I have a ton of emotions being tossed and turned right now, and I don’t know what to do with them. This has got to be normal when leaving your comfortable life for a year! And I need to allow myself to go through this process in order to clear myself and get ready for what is to come. I have been spending time alone (because I won't be able to be alone at all for the next year) and spending time with God. He is changing me from the inside out, and preparing me for what is coming. I am gaining wisdom and discernment.
Don’t look back at what you are losing; look forward to what you are gaining.
I was standing in church today singing the worship song “In Christ Alone.” When we sang this verse
“There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine –
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.”
The words “ I am yours” repeated over and over in my head. I am not my own, I am Jesus’. I am not living my life for myself; I am living it for Jesus. Things of this world will fade away, but Jesus will forever remain. I want Jesus! All I want is Jesus! If He wants me to go, I will go no matter the sacrifice. I will leave my friends, my family, my comfortable life because I want to LIVE MY LIFE FOR JESUS!!!
