One of the nights we had a session on spiritual gifts and were told to start praying for what we wanted. I automatically started praying for the gift of faith. I felt something for about two seconds, and then it was gone… it was so frustrating. As I stood there crying (in the back corner where I always sat) I felt God telling me “If you want it, GO GET IT”, in other words stop hiding and move forward. That night as I was up in the front, one of the staff (who had no clue what I had prayed earlier) came up to me and told me that God had planted the seed of faith in me and that it would soon grow into an oak of righteousness, higher than any tree.
I then saw an image of God’s hand planting a seed where once broken walls had been and then later growing into this massive tree. In that instant my mind was bombarded: ‘Abraham’s faith was credited as righteousness’… ‘Faith without works is dead’… and ‘Go by faith, not by sight.‘ I knew then, that God had indeed answered my prayers and given me the spiritual gift of faith. It’s just up to me whether I allow it to be fed and watered by walking in the ABC’s of authority, boldness, and courage so that it will grow or just let it be choked to death by the passivity of doubt and fear. God told me that if I want it, to go get it. Well… consider me gone!
*** To get the full effect of this part of the blog, one must play ‘Eye of the Tiger’ in the background… ***
On Wednesday night Tom Davis, CEO of Children’s Hope Chest, came and spoke to us on human trafficking. As I listened to him, my mind automatically went back to Moldova and the feeling I had after learning that corrupt orphanage directors where selling orphans into human trafficking (that obviously didn’t settle well with this foster mom… I mean, I’m sorry but if someone came in and tried to buy one of my kids they’d have to kill me first).
After Tom spoke, we spent time praying and I found myself just singing along to the worship. At first this was unsettling to me… but then God reminded me that one of my favorite things to do with my kids was sing over them as I tucked them into bed at night. My mind then went to one of the songs we’d been singing all week that spoke about how God comes down as our praises go up. And so… I kept singing. All of a sudden images of my kids popped into my head as I sang. Face after face I was continuously hit with their stories… the abuse… the neglect… the pain… and the suffering.
I BECAME THE ANGRIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE
It was definitely a defining moment of my life. In that instant it was as if everything God birthed in me this past year (callings, visions, dreams) collided with my foster parenting heart… And it cut me to the core. For the first time I truly understood the Father’s heart and how my love as foster mom overflowed from that. I wanted to protect these kids… to seek out justice… TO FIGHT FOR THEM. I then remembered how just less than 36 hours before this, God told me that ‘I could have whatever I wanted; I just had to go get it.’ Well…
