A few days ago I spent the duration of the day struggling to understand WHY…
Why if God created this world and loves it is there so much suffering…so much destruction and pain. Why does God just let people suffer, more specifically why does He let His children suffer. Why do they end up scattered along the walls in hospitals dying, or why do some have to endure years of physically, emotional or sexual abuse. Why do children go missing, why do people that have so much life yet to live and so much going for them get taken away from us? Why are there starving children EVERYWHERE, why did I have food growing up but they didn’t? Isn’t God suppose to love everyone, if so why are these kids starving and lacking, why isn’t He providing for them too? I understand free will and the fall of humanity and sin but I can help but wonder at what point does an almighty God say enough, at what point does an all loving God stop and protect His children?! Basically my question is if the God, who made the world is good, how did He ever allow suffering to invade the universe?
I was talking to a dear friend of mine before I left and he was pondering the same thing. I actually really struggled when he posed those questions and it broke my heart that I couldn’t answer him, it broke my heart even more though that he was so angry with God for letting those things happen. I agreed it was upsetting but I also knew that even though I didn’t have the answers I knew God was still good and that if something devastating happened to a child or to someone we cared about to even to us that it wasn’t necessarily God to blame. I knew that the only way to understand, the only way to heal from experiencing devastation and loss like that first hand was to turn to Him, to trust Him and His sovereignty, to praise Him and love Him regardless.
I will tell everyone about your righteousness. All day long I will proclaim your saving power, for I am overwhelmed by how much you have done for me. I will praise your mighty deeds, O Sovereign LORD. I will tell everyone that you alone are just and good. Psalm 71:15-16
The past week or so I had already been struggling to have a relationship with the Lord when my grandpa died. As hard as that was I still found ways to praise Him and give thanks- however as last week unraveled it wasn’t so easy. I now understand my friends plight on a far more personal level. As I sat at the ER the other night I found myself not only wondering the same things as my friend but I was finding it harder and harder not only to praise the Lord, but to love Him…or even like Him for that matter. I found myself unable to take my own advice as I struggled with my increasing rage towards God.
After the feeding at the refugee camp last week the question of ‘Why Lord’ was lightly laid on my heart. Watching as the food ran out and children were crying out to us because their bellies were left empty I broke down in tears. I knew we’d encounter the sick and starving this year, that we’d see poverty and devastation but to actually see that and experience that I couldn’t help but wonder why.
Earlier this week we had to take Cedric to the hospital. Since then the question of ‘Why Lord’ has been heavy on my heart. While I stood with him in the ER there were sick children and adults everywhere. It was probably one of the most surreal and upsetting experiences of my life, less then 2 feet away from me a little boy that couldn’t have been older then 6 laid there dying right in front of my eyes and there was nothing I go do. Once he had passed away it was at least an hour or more until he was transported elsewhere, so there I was in the middle of one of my worst nightmares.
I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed. I remember it all-oh, how well I remember- the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way: Stomping down hard on luckless prisoners, Refusing justice to victims in the court of High God, Tampering with evidence- the Master does not approve of such things. -Lamentations 3:19-36
I’ve been struggling with these questions. Its such a battle because in all honesty I am furious with him. I am so angry that he let that little boy die in front of me after I’ve already been struggling this week with my grandpas death. I am so enraged that people endure so much pain and suffering so often and I can’t truly help them and He can but isn’t. I am upset that everyone I have prayed for this week either died or something in there life worsened (unanswered prayers we’ll deal with in part two..someday.) By the end of that night I had convinced myself that he obviously hated me and at that point was just torturing me for some sick reason.
However as I say those thing I know they are un true. Thankfully a team-mate of mine spoke some truth into this struggle of mine and helped remind me of the truth…of His truth. God is ALWAYS good, and always just.
I know God is good, always. That anything destructive or evil isn’t from him. The asthma that little boy died from last night wasn’t of God, Cancer is not of God, no illness or sickness in this world is of God. Neither is death or destruction. God created us to live an abundant and everlasting life (a life we have access to through Christ.)
With that said, I believe there are two kinds of suffering, there is what we endure as a result of living in a fallen world where Satan prowls, the kind of suffering that not only breaks my heart but breaks Gods heart too.
The other is more of suffering because of our sin, because we turned away from God, I think I heard it best described when I heard it said that “sometimes suffering is God’s megaphone to a deaf world.” And if you let Him, through that suffering God can produce benefits far greater then the actual suffering itself.
“…but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 10: 11-12
The times when we endure sufferings as a form of God’s discipline ..I liked to think of that as a loving parent disciplining their child. A loving parent stops a child from putting his hand on a hot stove. The child “suffers” at the moment by being denied access and by the temporary pain of a spanking. But the parent sees the “big picture” and disciplines the child. So too God disciplines us.
Ok so that kind of suffering is a little bit easier to understand, not such a pill to swallow, but what about rest, what about those children? Honestly all I know is that the only way to understand the things I’ve seen and experienced this past week is to take it to God, talk about it with him, fall into him and trust that he will show me things and grow me though those experiences. We may not know the reason for suffering in any individual situation. But we can affirm, with relief and joy, that in.. “all things God works for the good of those who love him” Romans 8:28
Even though I’m still struggling to understand, even though I’m still upset I know that I know that I know that God is good. I know that if I don’t remind myself that I believe that Satan will use that to keep me a bitter pit of anger…he will do that to you too if you let him. That is exactly what he wants- for us to be in our pit, to be so focused on the pain and ugliness of living in a fallen world that we don’t keep our eyes, hearts and minds focused on Jesus.
“..the God whom the Bible talks about, and whom Jesus Christ incarnates, is a God of love, and this entails that He is a God of freedom, for you cannot have love without freedom. We were created with the ability to choose love, and thus with the potential to choose its opposite-evil all evil in the world comes from free wills other than God. What God wills and does is always good. Whatever is not good has its origin from someone or something other than God..if God is going to give free wills to His creatures, He has to allow for the possibility of them misusing that freedom, even if this means hurting others. To be significantly free is to be morally responsible to each others. What is the freedom to love or not love unless it is freedom to enrich or harm another? God structured things this way because the alternative would be to have a race of robots who can’t genuinely love-but that’s hardly worth creating, is it? So why doesn’t God intervene every time someone is going to misuse his freedom and hurt another person? The answer, I believe is found in the nature of freedom itself. A freedom which is prevented from being exercised whenever it was going to be misused simply wouldn’t be freedom…If God really gives us freedom, it must be, at least to a large extent, irrevocable. He must have, within limits, a “hands off” attitude toward it. God creates free people who can do as they please, the horrendous evil we see people inflicting on each other in this world is a necessary possibility if this is going to be the kind of world where love is possible. Even God couldn’t have it any other way …the fact that we humans have such an incredible amount of potential for evil, then, is to my mind indicative of the fact that we also have an incredible amount of potential for good. Yes, there Hitlers, and Stalines in the world. But here are also the Raoul Wallenbergs, the Mother Teresas, the Martin Luther King Jrs. I don’t see how you could have the latter without at least risking the possibility of the former…-Letters from a Skeptic
