I have an amazing praise to share with you all and unfortunately I also have a sorrow filled prayer request. As some of you already know my beloved grandpa passed away yesterday, its been devastating not being able to be with my family and friends during this time, truly heart wrenching. Never could I have truly imagined that I would be sitting here in the Philippines grieving the loss of my grandfather, going into this I knew he had heath problems, I knew there was a chance this could happen. But I never truly thought this would happen, especially not just after having been gone for 10 days.
At this moment I don’t know what to do. I’ve never lost someone I was close to before. It’s hard enough to lose a relative, to lose someone you love, but he was more then that, he was one of my best friends, my biggest supporters and the greatest man I’ve ever known.
Its been really hard, as I’ve been mourning the loss of my grandpa I’ve also been praising God for healing Cedric. Shortly after I got the devastating news of my grandpas death we got word that the doctor was going to release Cedric. Cedric is a very sick 8 week old baby boy that I have had the privilege of helping care for. He weighs a little over 5lbs now and is now doing amazing. A week ago he had a HOLE in his heart and a liver that wasn’t fully functioning, yesterday we found out that the hole was gone. His heart is whole again and his liver is much better, as is his heart murmur and his respiratory issues. However we still needed to come up with $3,000 to pay the hospital before we could bring Cedric home to the children’s home where we could better care for him. About an hour after hearing that and praying for God to provide we find out the doctors had not only reduced what fees they could but they also figured out a way to get Cedric released before paying. So for all of you who had been praying for Cedric, thank you so much, God heard our prayers and healed sweet little Cedric. It was the most amazing news on one of the worst days of my life. And here I am still stuck between these two emotionally extremes.
The past 24 hours have been draining to say the least. I’ve spent the majority of the past day in tears…emotionally I am all over the place and so lost. Honestly I have no idea how to even being the grieving process. The fact that I am so far from home doesn’t really help, for me here it still seems so surreal…life here goes on uninterrupted, nothing here is different. At times I even forget and then reality hits and it’s like getting the news for the first time all over again. I don’t even know how to begin to sort my emotions at this point. As much as I love it here right now all I want is to go home and be with my family and friends and get lots of big bear hugs, currently that is not an option so here I am..a little lost, eternally grateful for Cedric and for the time I did have with my grandpa, somewhat in shock, and heart broken over the loss of my grandpa and the fact that I can’t be with my loved ones right now…now what on earth am I suppose to do with all that?!
At this point I think the only thing I can do is spend as much time with Jesus as I can for the next few days, I need to process and pray and praise and everything in between. With all that said if you could please keep myself and my family in your prayers I would greatly appreciate that.
