5 weeks into the race and one of my greatest fears about being away from home, struck me within the last 24 hours. The fear was (is) this; having someone either close to me, or close to people I know (and love/care for), die. Yesterday, I got word that a local youth, was killed.
I know that life will go on at home no matter where I am (literally) in this world and I know that that is healthy and normal. Yet something that I know I will never be able to fully understand, is why people have to die so young. I know the theology and the Truth that God really DOES work for the GOOD of all those who Believe. I know that He DOES have it in control and that His ways, I will never be able to fully understand or grasp. I know that, ultimately, there IS victory and it’s already been won when He said “It is finished”. I know that. I really really do…
But, truthfully, right now…I am having a really hard time believing, and trusting, it.
Over the last three years, youth ministry at home, has been a huge part of my life. God has taught me so much through the youth that I have had the honour of spending time with each and every week. It has not always been easy, but it has always been a blessing. It has not always been happy, but it has always been a joy. In fact, my family was not the ‘hardest thing to give up’ coming on the race (sorry mom!), but it was (is) the youth.
So, how do I respond from thousands miles away, when they ask "why", when I myself, am wrestling with that too? How do I handle knowing that I cannot physically be there now for them in this time of loss and that it is literally shattering my heart in a way that I can’t explain. It is also hard being here in Serbia, as we don’t really have an ‘official’ ministry this month. It looks like it will be what we call an “Ask the Lord” (ATL) month on the race. This basically means spending a lot of time in the Word, prayer walking and following the Holy Spirits leading.
Cool right?
No.
Not when I know the need back at home and here I sit, feeling somewhat ‘useless’.
Wait, hold on.
Remember how I said that God really DOES work for the GOOD of all those who believe? He has shown me especially in the last 24 hours, that team Warriors of Light, are right where we are here in Serbia for a GREAT purpose. The local church that we have been able to connect with, has rocked my world in their faith and the way they are in constant
prayer. Our main contact and her daughters truly have been a blessing especially in my life.
God knew I would need time with youth this month and He has blessed me extremely, especially through our contacts two teenage daughters.
They are already sisters to me and the love for them, is unexplainable. Another thing God has been teaching me, is to rely on my team. To tell them I am struggling and to realize that it is okay. All they want to do is simply hug me, and love me. Truly I have been (am blessed to be) a “Warrior of Light” alongside them. Ladies, thank you so much. You have no idea the impact you all have had on my life the last few days especially. Thank you for allowing me my space, but also making sure I am okay. Thank you for your prayers and for wrestling alongside me during this time.
I ask that you continue to pray for the loss at home. For the family mourning the loss of their daughter and sister. For her friends, missing their friend. For the community of Altona, mourning yet another loss, of a young person. For the youth leaders at home, as they mentor, lead and simply, love the youth now in this moment. Pray for me, that I will be able to remain focused where I am and to love people harder and deeper here.
Pray. Pray. Pray.
