“I cannot go home. I am wrecked. I am ruined. I cannot go back.”
As month 8 debrief looms around the corner, those are the words that have been in my mind and on my heart lately. Though I am excited to return home in a mere 3 months, I am also scared terrified. I am not worried about seeing those I love and care about. In fact, I am stoked to be able to see my family and friend. To be able to ‘catch up’ on life in person, instead of over a computer screen, thousands of miles away. I am not worried about adjusting to the cold of Canada, or the extreme summer heat on Manitoba (in fact, after the heat I have experienced, summer at home will be oh so easy!)
One of the things that I am nervous about, is ‘forgetting’ the people, the moments, the ministries and contacts that I have met throughout this race. I love sitting down with our contacts and simply hearing their stories and how God brought them to where they are now. My second straight month in Cambodia, is no different. Our contact is an amazing young husband and wife couple. Along with the husband’s sister, the three of them run “Beautiful Feet’, the college aged women’s dorm in which we are living for the month, along with a college aged guys dorm. Upon meeting them, my first thought was that they too, were Cambodian. This was quickly proven wrong when they mentioned they were from Northern India. They are, in fact, Indian missionaries in Cambodia.
Who knew?
What is so unique about their stories, is that they come from a part of India that reminds me a lot of my own home. Ironically enough, the husband and wife are from the exact same area, yet they MET while serving IN Cambodia. God called each of them separately, TO Cambodia, at different points. He used their separate love for the Cambodian people, to bring them together for something even greater. I was able to sit down and chat with the husband. As much as I wanted to be the one to encourage HIM, I left feeling encouraged myself. I didn’t even know I needed to be encouraged, but God did and wow did God show up. Listening to him speak, stirred a passion within me that honestly, I have not felt for quite some time on the race. Surprisingly enough, just cause you are ‘on a missions trip’, doesn’t mean you will always be on a ‘spiritually high’. In fact, truth be told, most days you have to ‘fight harder’ to be with God.
Lately, the weight of returning home has been weighing me down. It took this conversation, for me to fully realize it. While he was talking about their home church, it felt as though he was talking about mine. Truth be told, as much as I have LOVED going to church this month at in International (and all English) Christian church, I miss worshiping with my home church. I miss seeing familiar faces every Sunday and I miss seeing the youth serve in various ways throughout the service. I miss simply being ‘apart’ of that community of Believers.
However, what my contact mentioned next, changed my perspective. He mentioned that he is praying that his home church, will face intense persecution. I must have had a very confused look on my face, as he went on to explain his reasoning behind it. Persecution moves people to change. A simple look at how the church in China is growing, is a good example of this.
Although our persecution at home looks different than it does in other parts of the world, I left that conversation praising Jesus for it.
I left the conversation asking Jesus for MORE of it.
Am I crazy?
Some would argue ‘yes’.
Yet for those that know me and are CRAVING a change to happen within our churches at home, would agree with me
Persecution, however it may look like, forces people to make a choice. Either you are “in” or you’re “out”. There is no middle ground when it comes to loving Jesus. Jesus himself said in John 16:33 that,
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
1Thessolians 3:7-8 offers us encouragement about standing firm in the Lord. “Therefore, brothers, in all our distress and persecution we were encouraged about you because of your faith. For now we really live, since you are standing firm in the Lord.”
I want to stand firm. Regardless of whether I am in Cambodia teaching English to college students, dancing with kids from the slums in Africa, or spending time with my youth in Canada.
Reign Jesus Reign.
Show us Your power and Majesty.
