It has been a year almost to the day.
Yet it still feels like yesterday.
I still remember the look in your eyes;
As you turned around in the car to stare back at me.
The look of ‘what did I do?’
‘I promise I will be good’
‘Why did you do this to me?’
‘Don’t you love me?’
After a day of fighting for you…I had no choice
I had to let you go.
Who knew that those young, brown eyes of a little girl that I had known for less than 24 hours, would pierce my soul in a way no one ever has before.
Who knew that a year later, her face would still be burned in my head, her voice in my heart.
Who knew that a year later, I would physically be in my 5th month on the World Race in Nepal, while my heart remained in Africa. It is constantly breaking for Little Nikki, half a world away in a small village near Ndola, Zambia.
Has it really been a year?
SO very much has changed in my life since that moment, but as I think back to that day, a day that started off as pure joy and excitement and a day full of adventure and new life, I’ve realized a few things since. When it came down to it, I had a choice to make that day. It’s a choice I still have to make each and every day-whether I am on the World Race or not. It is a choice that we, as Christians, must ask ourselves and to be firm within our answer.
WILL YOU CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IN JESUS TODAY?
WILL YOU FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT?
No matter the cost?!?
Current racers, along with alumni racers, will know that by the 5th/6th month of the race, the ‘honeymoon stage’ is long over. Our bodies have grown physically weaker, due to eating strange foods and diets consisting carbs upon carbs, drinking water that isn’t what we are used to and crazy days of ministry. Our bodies are forced to wrestle through sicknesses that come from going from extreme heat in one country, to extreme cold in another, with the flu and other random illness along the way without the aid of North American doctors and medicine. We have no choice, but to rely on (and trust) the shot that the ‘doctor’ gave you in the butt in a side ‘clinic’ on the streets of Ongole, India (this happened more than once to team mates/squad mates while in India)
Along with the physical issues, mental and emotional issues arise. Things from the past come up when we least expect them too and we are forced to learn (and deal with it) about it in a healthy way. Team changes come up and we realize that life at home, continues on without us. True personalities start to come out and suddenly, team time isn’t as much fun as it once was. Holidays lure closer and closer and the thought of missing family and traditions, haunt us as we are forced to down another plate of rice and curry served by the local pastor and his family. Bucket showers and squatty potties get old, and you miss your soft bed at home. Your back aches from constantly carrying around 45 lbs on your back, and 25lbs in front.
You quickly realize that not everything about the race is ‘fun’. You quickly realize that these are some of the things that current racers do not blog about. You find yourself saying, “I didn’t sign up for this! Is this all worth it? Because the ‘cost’ of following Jesus is steep, and, in fact, some days just down right sucks!”
But the choice is still yours and yours alone.
WILL YOU CONTINUE TO SAY ‘YES’ TO JESUS?
That day almost a year ago, I had the option of giving up. Right in that moment, I could have walked away from a faith that I grew up in. I couldn’t worship my Creator. Instead, I felt things (evil things) within my heart, that I thought I never would…and it scared me to the very core. Right in that moment, I could have said “okay satan, you win. This fight is too tough to fight. I am done” and I could have walked away.
But I didn’t. I knew deep down that the choice was mine and mine alone. Yes, God could have forced me to say ‘yes’ to Him, but He didn’t and He never will. That’s how much He loves me. As much as it pains Him to see His Children walk away, He doesn’t stop pursuing us. He doesn’t stop loving us.
In that moment, through the pain of losing Little Nikki, that I have never felt God speak to me as clearly as HE did that night as I gazed Heavenly ward at the African night sky. He told me, “Nikki, as much as your heart pains for little Nikki, my heart breaks more. She isn’t your daughter…she is MINE. I was with her before, I was with her today and I am with her NOW. I will never leave her. Look at the stars, see how wonderful they are? I made those, but I didn’t create them in MY image the way I Created YOU or little Nikki in MY IMAGE. I am taking care of her. Trust me. She is my child and I love her. I died for her…not you. Your not god, I AM the GREAT I AM. My child, I too, am holding you now in this moment.”
SO today, I choose. I choose to say ‘no’ to the evil one and “YES” to my God and King. I’m choosing to go out and simply love the people of Nepal, the people of the world. Why? Because that is what Jesus would do. Jesus doesn’t call us to be perfect (have you read about a disciple named Peter lately?). Jesus calls us to love. Because HE is worth it. Period.
It is as simple as that.
The choice is yours. There is no middle ground. Only ‘yes’ and ‘no’.
My prayer is that you too, will join me in saying, “Yes LORD YES”.
