It has hit me. It has finally hit me. I am going home.
Less than 40 days until my feet are back on Canadian soil.
A year ago, training camp for July routes were less than a month away. I was getting together the gear I needed for that, in anticipation for a week that was to prepare me for an 11 month journey around the world. I realize now, that I really had NO idea of the path that God had laid before me. I didn’t know the names, or personalities, of team (s) that I would be on. I didn’t know if our squad would connect, or the different battles that laid before us. Both personally and as a whole unit. I didn’t know that this past year, would be one of the hardest, yet BEST years of my short 26 years of life.
Last night, it hit me like a rushing wind. As I sat under the starry African sky in Swaziland, I became extremely overwhelmed. Thoughts of, “is this really it?” “Will I ever see these people again?” “What if I get home, and it’s not what I ‘expect’ it to be?” “How am I supposed to sit in a classroom, knowing the issues going on in this world?” “How am I supposed to reconnect with my youth girls?” “How will my friends, family and church community, handle this “Nikki” who is coming home now?” “Will they really be able to realize and see, the change that has taken place in my heart?” “How do I expect them to see that change, when I myself, do not know yet the full extent of how God really has moved me to Holy tears this past year?” “It is so easy, being on the other side of the world, and telling people via facebook or email that, ‘I am fine’, when really I am not. I mean, they are not with me and it is easy to ‘fake’ how I am feeling. I won’t be able to do that once I get home.
People I expect more of that from me.
One of the ways in which I know I have changed, is how God has humbled me. He did it again last night. As these thoughts fears were running through me, I knew I had to verbalize it to someone, otherwise I’d go crazy and I knew I would bottle it up. Mustering up what courage I had, I went into our homestead and sought out a friend of mine on the other team we were paired up with this past month. She is a women who I have come to admire and respect over the last 10 months. Her relationship with God, is raw and honest. Not only has God used her to speak Truth back into my life in the past, but I know He has used her to speak Truth into the life of another good friend of mine on the race.
That evening, was no exception. With our cups of tea warming up our hands, we sat outside under the stars. I found myself fighting back tears, as I began to share with her my thoughts fears with her, upon going home. 10 months earlier, this wouldn’t have happened. I would not have sought someone out to talk to like this. Yet here I was, being as raw and honest as I could. Towards the end, she looked at me and asked if she could lay hands on me and pray for me. Without hesitation, I said ‘of course’ and right there and then, I was finally able to take a deep breath and breathe deeply for the first time that evening. The peace that God had placed in my heart over a year ago, had been lost for the first time on this race. Yet, as she prayed, I could literally feel it returning to my heart.
After a hug and a word of thanks, I returned to my room and saw a box of Canadian Smarties (which ARE different than American Smarties) on my Bible. With it, was an unsigned note simply telling me that I AM LOVED.
Short and Sweet.
I am LOVED.
Moments like these, I am really going to miss. Yes there are days when living in 24/7 community drives me crazy…but times like these, make it all worth it.
Though the battles, it has made this race worth it. Whether you are working a 9-5 job in America, going to school, thinking about applying for the World Race, anticipating training camp coming up, going into month 5, 9 or 11 on your race, my challenge to you is to NOT let any moment slip by.
My challenge to you is to, wake up with the attitude that each day is going to be the BEST day of your life.
You know what, with that attitude, it will be.
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*My month in the small Kingdom of Swaziland, has wrapped up. Yet my prayers remain. Join me in praying for that nation. For the 70% of people who live with AIDS/HIV ravaging through their bodies every day, every moment of their lives. Pray for a HOLY revival to happen. For the work that GOD is doing through AIM and other full time missionaries. Pray for the kids who come everyday to the pre school I helped at, and the kids that come everyday for their ONE meal of the day at the feedings. God isn’t dead. HE IS RISEN. All praises to HIM*
