*I debated sharing this blog…but then realized that people back at home, deserve to know about the ‘not so good days/months’ as well. So I write this blog, knowing that prayer is powerful, and am asking you who reads this, to lift up not only myself, but all the World Racers spread out throughout this globe. Whether we are on month 1, month 3, month 7, month 9 or anyone month in between…we all eventually get hit with homesickness at some point or another. Here is just a look into the life of a month 9 Racer.*
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Our first week into month 9, and I have never been more homesick on the race, than I am now in this moment. Yes, I am enjoying where we are currently. I am enjoying being back in the Philippines and with the Filipino church family for this month.
But I am tired…
and can I just be really honest for a second?
I’m sick of not knowing what to expect anymore, the constant change and the up and down of everything. I am tired of the heat, of mosquitoes, of taking Malarone, bucket showers, squatty potties, doing laundry by hand, and living in community. I am tired of eating food that mess up my stomach and ‘mystery meat’-not knowing if its dog or not. I miss my family, my friends, my apartment, my space and my freedom from back home. I miss simply ‘being’ who I am. I miss serving people simply the way that God has shown me to. I miss going for coffee with my youth girls and challenging them to hear God more and more. I miss Wednesday nights and the crazy memories that come with it. I miss watching Castle on TV as it airs and I miss the ability to hop in a car and simply drive. I miss my piles of pillows and blankets on cold days. I miss COLD days. I am tired of fans blowing on me and having ‘internet’ but not really having it. I just want fast speed broadband. I miss the 5 comfy pillows sitting on my bed-waiting for me. I miss hugging Gambit (my brothers dog) and I miss making ‘spider dogs’ on a late summer night around the fire pit.
Every day this week, was a struggle just to wake up and motivate myself for the day that laid ahead. For the last few months on the race, we have had a very set schedule of things to do. From daily yard work and evening bar ministry in Thailand, to teaching multiple classes of English every day during our two months in Cambodia, along with evening events, makes it very hard to NOT have a set schedule of things to do.
I am struggling.
I am struggling a lot more than I thought I would be at this point in the race.
I mean, I am back in a nation that captured my heart 4 years ago.
I am back in a culture of people, who share everything they have (Which isn’t much…our contacts even gave up their room and moved into a smaller room with two other family members, so us girls could use it this month.)
Lord Jesus, why is this so hard? Why is my heart restless for something more…yet yearning to be at home, at the same time? How does that even work? Month 9 also marks the 6th (and final) month in South East Asia. Although I have loved being in this part of the world, I’ve realized that my heart isn’t here. Will I miss the people? Absolutely! Do I want to come back and visit someday? If God wills, for sure.
But right now, I miss home.
Pray God speaks His Truth into my heart this month. Pray that He daily breaks my heart for the Filipino people. Pray that as we attend bible studies, serve in church, in schools and with local families, that I will be able to see God in them. Pray that God will use my hands this month, to love on the people here and now.
Pray for me
Mt 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
