Dear Past self,
I remember the day that I was sitting in the comfort of my apartment, almost a year ago. My application for the World Race was long submitted, the route was picked and the interview process was over and done with. My role as Maid of Honour for the wedding I was in, came and went smoothly. My college roommate was happily married and I was now able to fully focus on my 2nd, upcoming trip to Zambia, Africa with a team from my church.
Packing for this Africa trip, was different than the first time I went because I was using it as a ‘test run’ with my new back pack (and other supplies) that I had picked up that I would be using while on the Race. Through this process, I naturally found myself thinking ahead to July 2013 when I was scheduled to launch for my 11 month journey, with Jesus, around the world. I would be experiencing it with a group of people who I only knew, at this point, through a few interactions on Facebook and Skype. Since a new youth year was already in full swing at this point, it ‘hit’ me again that I would be missing these events, next year. Through that, I realized that life at home doesn’t ‘stop’ just because I leave for a year. People will be growing and changing in their own ways, while I would be gone. With those thoughts in mind, they initiated a blog called “Dear Future Me” (Which you can read HERE).
Today I sit, not in the comfort of my own apartment, but on a marble floor in the home where we are staying in India, almost half way through month 4 on the World Race. It is morning time and the people who were once ‘a face on a computer screen’, are running around getting ready for a new day of ministry. They are having quiet time with Jesus. I hear people laughing to yet another one of Sarah Anne’s comments. Life is never dull. Together, we have already walked through some tough situations and have come out stronger. We have laughed, cried, prayed and rejoiced, mourned and celebrated life together. We have already spent more hours traveling together, through 11 different countries (gotta love taking multiple buses/trains through Eastern Europe…) than I thought we would have at this point in the race. I’d be lying if I were to say that living in community is always easy yet these people have become my family and a direct line of support over the past 14 weeks. This is, perhaps, one of the biggest lessons that I have been learning on the race.
So, to my ‘Past self’, I know now that the leaves are changing colours, and falling off the trees at home. Farmers are working on getting the last of their crops off and the hall ways at school are once again filled with students. Canadian thanksgiving is coming up this next weekend and I know I will be missing one of my favourite family gatherings…filled with the people who have had a large part in shaping who I am. Let’s be real, when I eat my spicy rice/noodles on Monday, I will be wishing I was ‘past me’ back at home, about to sink my teeth into the freshly cooked turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn and desserts that make up thanksgiving day lunch.
To my “past self,” You were right when you said that I would be missing my friends, family, youth group but I am trying daily, to live in the present of where I am. There have been moments where I have craved to be at home, yet I realize that the time we have left, is really not that long in the scheme of life. That in 8 months, I will be back at home-struggling trying to figure out the next step. Struggling trying to fit in again in a society that is so far different than what we are living in now.
To my past self; although I loved the person who I was a year ago, I am happy I am no longer that same person today. I am happy that the person I am right here in this moment, will be a person of the past later today. I am happy that God has been, and is continually, breaking my heart for what breaks His every day on this journey. Although the process is hard at times, I would not trade it for anything as it is all a part of Him shaping me more into His image.
To my past self; when I wake up tomorrow-it will be a new day. A new day full of God’s mercy and grace. A day to love. A day to BE loved by the greatest Lover ever.
Can you feel it? Can you feel the Love Jesus has for YOU today?
