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Looking back on my month in Bulgaria, more has happened than I could ever imagine; it’s still amazing that I’m on this amazing journey. While recapping, I’ve noticed changes in me I hadn’t seen before. All are still a work in progress, and there are plenty more to discuss, but these are the things that stood out the most.
11. Control
During Training Camp our squad leaders, coaches, and mentors got a glimpse into how we operate as individuals but also as team members. At the end of camp we were divided into six teams all with an appointed team leader. These leaders are responsible for encouraging, supporting, and making the final decision.
I’ve prided myself on being a natural born leader. I’ve been told this my entire life and I’ve just grown into that position. So when I wasn’t asked to be a team leader I questioned my worth. Why wasn’t I good enough to fill this position? Was I not strong enough? Not motivational enough? Did the leadership team really see the true me?
They did and they put me right where I need to be.
I am a strong leader. I do bring great ideas to the table, but this race is bringing traits out in my I didn’t know I had and exposing those I need to work on. My worth isn’t based on the fact I didn’t get a leadership title from AIM, my worth is based solely on the fact I was made perfect in the eyes of the King.
10. Vanity
I’ve always used my vanity as an insecurity buffer. I tend to over spend on clothes and over apply makeup to cover up the things I don’t want the world to see. At one point, the amount of clothes I owned escalated to the point of me having a separate room as a closet. So when I left the US with only two packing cubes of clothes and the essential makeup products I may have had a minor panic attack.
What if people don’t like me because I don’t have the cutest clothes? What if my face breaks out and I don’t have the products to cover it up? What if my insecurities are exposed? What if people really get to know the real me?
They still enjoy my company. They still consider me a friend. And they still want to get to know more.
While in Bulgaria, I didn’t have the luxury to go buy a new shirt when I wasn’t feeling confident. I had to realize clothes don’t make me a better person, they just cover up my true self when I don’t want to feel exposed.
09. Some Bricks
There’s a wall built around my heart. I don’t take it down just for anyone, but this month I was able to remove a few of the bricks.
08. Personal Space
Alone time is never quite alone time on the race. Living in community is a new world for me. Before coming on the race I lived with my dog in a two bedroom house, it was quiet, it was relaxing, it was comfortable. In Bulgaria, I was living in a two bedroom apartment with 5, sometimes 6, other girls. There’s no escaping.
07. The Ability to Hide Emotions
Because life is done in community, you get to know people and their body language quickly; you start to pick up on emotions, good or bad. There is just no way around it. I’m learning it is easier to share the laughter and tears in the moment instead of hiding them.
06. The Ability to Refuse Food
When a host offers you food, you eat it. Even if it is a giant bowl of tomatoes.
05. Expectations
Don’t have any. Things don’t go as planned on the Race, especially when your first month is Unsung Heroes.
04. Stage Fright
For some reason, when you mention you’re a missionary from the US a song and speech is expected.
03. The American Dream
There’s more to life than the 9-5. Get out and experience it.
02. Dependence
I’ve realized I’m dependent on being independent. It is okay to let people help you when needed.
01. My Heart
I have a feeling this is going to happen every month and I’m not sure if I’m ready for this. I fell hard. I fell in love with the kids, with the church, with the food, with everything. And in returned gained a family.
