Last night a few of my squad mates and I went to see the movie Inside Out at an outdoor movie garden. It was such a blast and was so beautiful there.
If you have never seen the movie, it follows a young girl who moves from her childhood home to a new city where she is introduced to a new school, new friends, and a new house. Inside her head she has five emotions- joy, fear, disgust, sadness, and anger all trying to help her navigate this new place. It’s such a cute movie…I highly recommend it! Truly fun for the whole family.
The movie got me thinking about all the emotions and feelings I have going on in my own head. Especially about this upcoming transition home!
We are down to only 11 days left on the field before I will hit US soil!
Let me just break down each emotion for you and why I am feeling that way.
Joy
Okay so I actually get called joy a lot. It’s an emotion I feel quiet often and I love expressing my joy in any way I can! Joy is one of those emotions I don’t have a hard time finding.
I get really excited about coming home when I think about seeing the people I have missed so so much over these past 11 months! Wow just to get a hug from each of you is going to fill my heart with more joy than ever!
I get excited to see my dog! She always makes me smile and I can’t wait to snuggle with her.
I get excited to meet new people and start a new chapter in my journey. I honestly have no idea what months 12-infinity look like for me but I am soooo excited to see what the Lord has for these next steps in my life.
I get excited about hot showers and washing my cloths in a washer and dryer. Simple things in life that I have missed so much.
I get excited about having a few more options for clothes. Although I have decided it is a good idea for me to purge my closet I am still very excited to wear some of my favorite things again.
I am excited to eat some of my favorite things again! Dude I miss chick-fil-a more and more every single day.
I am excited to have my car back. I truly miss driving around with the windows down, singing at the top of my lungs! Can’t wait!
Okay I’m sure there are a whole lot more things I’m excited about but let’s move on.
Sadness
I am totally bummed that this season is coming to an end. When will I ever get to travel around the world for a year with people who were strangers literally less than a year ago!? My word it’s been a blast!
I’m so sad to let these 23 brothers and sisters go. I know I’ll see them again and that there will be some reunions in the future but I will never get to live with them 24/7 with them allllll the time. *cue the sob fest*
I’m really sad to say goodbye at the end of every month and it’s still sad! Some of my hosts and the people I met are still on my mind all the time! Why can’t I see them always?
I’m sad that my whole life will no longer fit in a backpack. I sorta like this simple life with less stuff thing.
Okay enough with the sad stuff! Let’s move on to fear.
Fear
I’m scared people will not want to be my friend anymore because we have drifted apart for a year.
I’m scared I won’t find a community like this ever again.
I’m scared I won’t find a home church.
I’m scared I won’t have a job to provide for myself.
I’m scared I will revert back to the comforts of being home and forget how much I grow when I am pushed out of my comfort zone.
I’m scared I will gain a whole bunch of weight eating American food again.
I’m scared people will not know who I even am any more. I’m more scared that they will see me and think I haven’t changed at all.
I’m scared I will make myself too busy for quiet time.
I’m scared I won’t be able to stay in touch with my squad mates.
I know there has to be more but I’m trying really really hard NOT to be fearful soooo let’s move on.
Disgust
This is kinda tricky because not much disgusts me but I’m gonna give it a shot.
I am praying against being disgusted at myself for allll the materialistic crap that I have…just give myself some grace and donate some stuff.
I am praying against being disgusted at other people when they don’t understand me and what I’ve been through on the Race.
I am praying against disgust of food that I used to love because I have experienced some great food all around the world now.
I am praying against disgust of prices in the US. For example…a mani pedi in the US is 30-50 bucks depending on where you go…but the other day I got a mani, pedi, facial, and a full body massage for $25!! Y’all! How am I ever going to pay for a mani pedi again!?
Okay let’s move on to anger.
Anger
I’m praying against being angry at people when they don’t understand this past year of my life.
I’m praying against being angry at people for seeming entitled. I just lived 11 months without a lot of comforts of home and it helped me to see each of them as a blessing and I am fighting to not be angry at people who seemingly feel entitled to the things they have that the Lord has blessed them with.
I’m praying against anger at God for the next season. It may not look like this year and I will have to remind myself every day that I can’t be angry for my life changing seasons.
Wow! There is a lot going on in this little head of mind. I have lots of feelings about coming home and this season of transition.
Please keep me and my squad in your prayers as we are heading home in just ELEVEN DAYS!!! Pray for all of us to transition well and to not get caught up in our feelings about what’s going on. See y’all soooo soon!
Blessings,
Niki
