My first love was dance.
No one and nothing could stop it.
I started dance classes when I was just 2 years old. I couldn’t get enough of it.
I never really liked sports…even when I played them I would just wish I was in a studio surrounded by mirrors and hard wood floors.
I danced for YEARS! I tried and loved all sorts of different styles— ballet, jazz, tap, tumbling, hip hop, lyrical, pointe, belly dancing, ballroom…you name it, I probably did it.
I competed in several competitions and won a few. I did company recitals and did the Nutcracker every December.
I performed in front of countless people and judges.
I did solo dances, small group dances, and large group dances.
It was my exercise, my joy, my passion, my one true love.
Looking back at my years of dance I see hurt and pain…my body has never quiet been normal since those days. I have really high arched feet and constant ingrown toe nails, my knees have pains at times, and don’t even get me started on my hips and the wacky things they do…but it is oh so worth the pain.
I would give anything to go back.
But my time of dance came to an end.
I never lost the love for it, I just had new interests. I wanted to try new things in middle and high school.
So I quit.
Reflecting back on my dance history recently…I asked the Lord why I loved dance so much. He simply said, “worship.”
God made each and everybody in His image. He gave me the ability to use my body to worship Him in an impossibly magnificent way.
I love dancing because I love worshiping Jesus Christ with my temple that He has given me.
Releasing your body to the Lord is an indescribable feeling. His Spirit flows through each joint, muscle, and bone. He takes great delight in every turn, jump, and pointed toe.
So why had I given up on this talent?
God gave me a heart of worship, yet I don’t worship Him in my favorite form.
I think it is because it is such a vastly intimate form of worship.
Its kind of intimidating.
You have to trust your body to the Lord and allow Him to pull each muscle in unnatural ways.
My body hasn’t been used that way in years and even then it wasn’t as often used the way it had been used when I danced competitively. I didn’t trust my body to be able to move that way anymore.
Yet, I felt an undeniable soul pull to dance while I was in Ghana.
“Give Me your body. Let it worship Me.”
So the Lord and I started choreographing a dance…together.
Challenges and doubt arose.
There isn’t space, there isn’t time, I can’t be alone with the Lord for any amount of time on the World Race, much less alone time to choreograph a dance with Him. It is such an intimate moment with the Lord that I don’t want anyone there…to see or to watch.
So I fell into those lies and gave up the idea of choreographing this dance. I haven’t danced since Ghana.
Until a few days ago.
This month we are working with an organization that encourages us to worship in any and every possible way. Drawing, painting, singing, flags, ribbons, laying down, standing up, playing instruments, and of course dancing.
My insecurities arose again. I didn’t want anyone to watch me. Not any locals, not any staff members, not even my teammates.
Then I remembered a quote I heard a long time ago that says, “Dance to express, not to impress.”
The moment I let go of my body…those insecurities melted away and it was just me and the Lord, in the throne room, dancing as one body.
My body is not what it used to be. I can not do the same moves I used to do but it feels just the same in my heart.
Just me and the Lord.
My encouragement for you is to use your gifts and talents. The Bible says not to hide your gifts or the Lord will take them away. {Matthew 25:14-30}
I have hid my gift for far too long due to insecurities and doubt. I stand here today still feeling those insecurities and doubts, but pushing them aside and dancing anyways.
Worship the Lord with all of your heart. Do not concern yourself with those around you and what they are doing or not doing during worship. Focus on who you are there to worship and do it with all of you.
If you need me, I will be dancing all around my little island of Malaysia.
Blessings,
Niki
