So, let’s be honest for a second.
I am so beyond happy and blessed with things going on in my life right now. I graduate in 6 days, I have raised almost $8,000 for the World Race, and I have some super fantastic people in my life surrounding me and supporting me with love. But I gotta be honest, the devil is trying to break me DOWN right now!
I am so excited to graduate, don’t get me wrong, but it is just a really bittersweet moment right now. I look around at all the amazing people I met in college and pray that we will remain friends through moving across the state and moving into our careers. The devil is whispering lies in my ears and telling me that they will no longer be my friends once we all graduate and move away.
I am also sad because I am leaving the closest thing I have had to a church family in such a long time. When I return home, I don’t know where I will be going to church. The devil knows that and is telling me that I will never have a real church family in Soddy Daisy.
I also worry that I will not find a summer job. I have just recently started applying but I need something soon and something that pays well. The devil is just telling me that there is no job for me when I get home and that I will have to struggle for the remaining funds I need to get the gear necessary before the race.
I will also be moving back in with my parents and will no longer be living with my wonderful roommate. I love my parents, but I know it is going to hard living back at home, with their rules, and without Abbie. We have been through so much and grown so much together the past four years, so I am really going to miss these times we have had together. The devil is making me doubt and fear moving back home and moving away from my comfort zone of Cookeville and college.
And the worst of them all is that I fear I am missing my niece growing up. Her second birthday is today and I am missing it. I am missing her birthday and I am ABSOLUETLY HEARTBROKEN!! She is growing up without me and I have a constant fear that she will not know who I am when I return home from the race or that she won’t love me. I know what you’re thinking, “Of course she won’t forget you. Of course, she loves you.” Well, thanks to the devil I always have doubt and fear in my heart.
Now guys, I really am a positive person and I would never let these doubts and fears control my life or outshine all the fantastic things in my life but man oh man the devil has been working on me lately. So, I come to you now reader and ask you to pray for me. Pray that the devil will just BACK OFF and let me be happy in this time of celebration and joy. Pray that he will stop putting doubt and fear in my heart. Pray that the LORD will take full control of my heart and show me all the things I have to be thankful for. Praise God that He will never leave me nor forsake me. Thanks for praying for me and thanks for reading.
With love,
Niki
