Blogs are hard for me.
I have so much to say, so much to share and yet every time I sit down to write I come up blank or hate everything I write. Like right now. I have two paragraphs typed out about learning to be expectant. God has been teaching me a lot about expectancy. At training camp (the week long preparation for the field, that happens in Georgia) they talk about expectancy vs. expectations. I heard these terms over 4 years ago at my first training camp and I think they are just now starting to really resonate in my spirit. I’m realizing more and more each day how much I live out of expectation. I expect my day to look a certain way, I expect my friends to love me a certain way, I expect my team to view what it means to be a team like me, etc.
Last month I had a conversation with my team about what their view of team is and when they responded I felt my shoulders ease and I was able to breath a little easier. I realized in that moment how much pressure comes with expectations. And because of that pressure, teams have always failed me. They couldn’t live up to my expectations I put on them and I never could live up to the expectations I put on myself.
I’ve always been a person that over complicates things in my head. This blog is a great example of that. I feel that it has to look a certain way and I get caught up in thinking about how bad my grammar is or will it even make sense to people. I have expectations on myself.
So what does it look like to release those expectations and become a person that is expectant? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m taking it day by day and learning from the moments I succeed and even more so from the moments I fail. I’m learning to wake up and tune into my body and my spirit and figure out how to start my day. I’m taking the time in the moments of frustration, to look around and remember where I am and who I am.
I came into this blog thinking I would write about pizza on a beach, instead it’s about team. I’m learning that it’s okay to go a different path than I planned and often that path is the one that brings me more joy.
So I leave you with this:
What does it mean to you to live a life of expectancy vs. a life of expectation?
