I have no idea how to cram everything that happened at training camp into one single blog. I seriously filled half a journal from these 10 amazing days! I realize I journal more than most, but everything we did had a purpose and it was a lot of stuff to process! I often was found at the table or somewhere journaling!
My story:
The thing I came to training camp struggling with the most was the feeling of inadequacy in my walk with the Lord. Although I knew there is always more to learn about the Lord, and always new things to experience with the Holy Spirit, this fear had begun to control my mind over the last few months. This fear, this lie, constantly told me:
Your relationship with the Lord is not real. You don’t REALLY know God, you only know about Him. You have never really experienced the fullness of the Lord because you don’t have the same experiences as this person or that person.
I know it sounds stupid, but it’s the truth. I fought hard not to believe it. But it seemed like the nagging voice was always there, trying to make me doubt my encounters with The Spirit of the Lord. At times I felt worthless and hopeless. In those times, I clung to the foundation of truth planted in me, but those little thoughts still crept in from time to time.
Had all the times I’d thought the Lord had met me been real? Did I just have a wild imagination? From a few things said to me from past church leaders, I had often felt because I didn’t have certain spiritual gifts, I had been accused of not really knowing the Holy Spirit.
Here’s the first idea that began to set me free of this lie:
Confirmation of His Presence: His presence I had so often seen only when alone with Him was confirmed from another brother or sister in Christ as we worshiped Him together. When a body of believers comes together in agreement of desiring God to reveal Himself, I think it brings Him great delight to come down and share in the moment with us. It was beautiful at times, hilarious at others, but REAL all of the time.
Confirmation of His Voice: He’s more than words on a page; He’s more than a story! This week I was put into a community of disciples who not only were encouraging but confirmed to me what the Lord was speaking to me and what He was doing in my life. For the first time in my life, I actually had someone confirm the voice of the Lord I had heard.
I won’t lie; I doubted it a few times. There were times when God was telling me to say something out loud during worship, and just when I had justified my way out of saying it, someone else said it out loud. SERIOUSLY!
Dying to Self: God reminded me if I wasn’t willing to be used, He had plenty of willing people ready to be obedient. And if there wasn’t a person willing, He’s a big boy and can take care of Himself.
I broke.
I beat myself up a few times, for my lack of faith and obedience. Finally, I just let my pride die and began obeying His voice, even when I felt really stupid. It’s the voice I’ve always known, the Spirit who has always been alive in me, but He just began calling me to do things and use His Power beyond anything I’ve ever done before.

To my family and friends who I am leaving for a year: You mean more to me than you know! I had so many times during training camp where all I could do was Praise the Lord for planting me in an environment that cultivated my Spiritual Growth and encouraged me to know our Amazing Lord and Savior!
I know I was spared many hardships and heartaches in this world because of your love and protection. Thank you for being there for me, for raising me up to know the truth about our God! I know you will cover my squad with your prayers this year- thank you for being a part of our journey! I love you!
