This week is Spiritual Renewal Week at OCU, a student led revival on campus. It is time for worship, sharing testimonies, teaching, and (of course) renewing our spirits. All of the services have been very refreshing. I’ve been in need of this reflective time, to come before the Lord and be honest with myself and with Him.
Last night the Lord began surfacing things in my heart I hadn’t even realized were there. I had a situation a few weeks ago where I messed up. I crossed the line that Paul talks about in both Galatians and Corinthians:
“Everything is permissible,” but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible,” but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. 1 Corinthians 10: 23
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14
I had attempted to justify my actions by titling what I had done as “living in the freedom of Christ,” but it was done out of seeking my own good, and it wasn’t beneficial. I wasn’t trying to serve another; I was serving my own selfish desires. I had deceived myself. SATAN IS THE KING OF DECEIT! He likes to take scripture and twist it in our minds to take us away from the real message Christ has given us. That is why it is SO important to continually be in the Word, to test the spirit of our hearts and minds to see if it is of Christ. (1 John 3)
As a people-pleaser, I’ll be the first to admit the worst feeling I think I’ve ever felt is disappointing my Heavenly Father. As I have learned from past experiences, however, I knew that dwelling on my sin, instead of confessing it to a brother or sister in Christ and forgiving myself, was only going to drag me down. I believed wholeheartedly that Christ had forgiven me, so I made sure to kick the gears back in drive and begin living in His Grace rather than holding on to the ball and chain that He’d already freed me from.
However, as Brother Mark began talking about humbling ourselves, praying, and seeking God’s face… I realized I hadn’t truly done that. While recovering from my not-so-beneficial event, I had a preconceived notion about what God’s will for me was based upon past experience, rather than truly seeking out what He wanted me to do about it.
It was like I had kicked the gears from neutral back into drive, but I had no idea where I was going. I was starring so intently at the road, watching for every tiny pothole and mud-puddle to avoid, that I quit looking around to see which turn I needed to take. It’s easier in our human nature to be passive, so I had assumed Christ was saying “Flee! Flee!” when in reality; this time He was asking me to “Press on toward the goal.” I’ve realized I assume God’s Will more often than I listen for Him to reveal it to me.
Instead of truly listening to what God wanted me to do, I spent most of my time avoiding any and all situations that might possibly lead to failure. God definitely doesn’t want me to be a failure, so He couldn’t possibly be asking me to put myself into a situation where failure could happen again, would He? WRONG! I was so worried about NOT falling into temptation that I stopped listening to what He DID want me to do.
I missed the mark: life is not about avoiding failures, it’s about living in the truth and love of Jesus, and obeying whatever it is He calls us to do! Yes, we have to watch out for temptation and not be swayed by it, but life was not meant to be lived in the fear of failure. When our focus is on failure, failure is all we are going to see. When our focus is on loving others, love will be ever-ready and present for action. Fear is not of God. God is Love, and Perfect love drives out fear. I was letting fear drive my life rather than love.
Pastor Mark began to tell the story of Jesus and Samaritan woman from John 4. Even though the disciples didn’t understand why Jesus would do things that seemed unacceptable in their culture and to their traditions, like walk through Samaria on his way to Galilee, Jesus didn’t avoid Samaria.
That one thought, Jesus didn’t avoid Samaria, penetrated to the deepest parts of my heart. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that story, but it hit home in a new way last night.
I am going to make mistakes. But, Jesus lives in me, and I should not deny Him His right to work through me because I screwed up! Wake up, Nicole: you have been chosen to be used by Jesus to go into “Samaria” and love the unloved!
As the saying from the movie A Cinderella Story says, “Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game!”
Jesus had called me to minister and love a certain group of people. Because I made one mistake while doing so, I basically avoided mingling with those people in fear that I would fail God again.
His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
John 15-15-17 says,
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other.
