Musings of a “Missionary” Part One…
I’ll be honest. Growing up, missionaries made me mad. Fast forward to the present, I’m not sure I can handle people labeling me one (I’ll get to that later; check for Part 2). The word to me carries a very specific connotation. It’s not necessarily negative. But in my opinion, it’s not automatically positive; don’t worry I’m learning to embrace it and see it’s not a bad thing.
Let me back up a bit. Why would missionaries make me mad? I love Jesus. Missionaries love Jesus too and are sent by Him. So what’s the problem? I never felt called to be a full time missionary. I was cool with mission trips. But the high horse everyone placed missionaries on confused me. What was my calling, chopped liver? Was my calling not bringing God glory?
For many years, I’ve felt uncomfortable telling people my career plans. It was ok to tell friends and those not in the church that I wanted to be a beauty editor at a magazine. Try telling your Sunday School teacher you love Jesus and you also have an passion for eye shadow in between John 3:16. Doesn’t exactly fit.
I’m all over the place. But, I’m trying to describe thoughts I’ve struggled with for the past year as I planned my career. How does faith coincide with my passions? I never stopped to ask God how my passions could be used for Him. Jesus probably didn’t wear lipstick, how could He understand? I don’t mean to be irreverent. But for years I’ve kept my desires hidden; I can’t anymore. I’m tired of putting on my game face and pretending God has other ‘holier’ plans for me. I’m fed up with the negative associations being a “girly girl” AND a Christian carry. If one more person tells me God thinks I’m beautiful I’m going to punch them.
You’re probably wondering where this stems from? When I finally got tired of years spent trying to please everyone and appear to be that Christian girl, I got some answers.
First, God laughed. Yes, laughed. He told me it was about time I asked about His plans. Ask God plans for your life, crazy concept I know… Then I realized something. Could God actually be calling me to not abandon my love for eye shadow? Sweet Jesus, I’ve never been so excited. God wants to use me and my makeup loving ways to bring the kingdom, one polished finger at a time!
Now for those of you wondering if I’ve gone off the deep end let me expound a bit. I’m well aware there’s a difference between loving things and making them idols. I fully believe Christ is what makes a woman beautiful. But I also believe it’s not of the devil to dress up, wear makeup and enjoy being the women God created us to be, if that’s what you enjoy, and not all women do.
So, if I’ve figured all this out why am I trading in my pumps for pavement and becoming a missionary? Because God told me to, I’m learning obedience. I’m as confused as you may be. But I’m beginning to get an inkling and catch glimpses of God’s heart. It’s incredible. Since these revelations, I’ve suddenly uncovered this passion for women’s ministry I never knew existed. I’m so excited to visit the bars in Thailand and love on those women. I long to share with women around the world the beauty the King sees in them. All along I’d been most excited about working with orphans; I’m still excited but I’m experiencing these overwhelming feelings of love for women I haven’t even met yet. Not that men are excluded from the love of Jesus; you know what I mean.
Needless to say, God has work He wants to do inside me this year to shape me. I’m leaving behind my comforts and arsenal of makeup. He wants me to first fully understand what it means to be a strong woman of God and to be beautiful in His eyes.
I love being a daughter of the King. I can’t wait to bring my Father, the King, some more princesses this year.
