It’s been quite some time since I’ve put a pen to page, or in this case, fingers to keys. I find myself at a loss. Failing to selecting accurate words, emotions, pictures, even thoughts. I’ve attempted entries and admitted defeat from a blank screen and bouncing cursor. Where does one begin? How can a blog convey all I’ve been missing out on in life? I’ve claimed light but have lived my life lurking in the shadows.
As Christians we’re given infinite amounts of freedom. Yet, I’ve lived in bondage, believing God was in the business of spoiling fun and corrupting plans. He was a lackluster dude who did crazy things like spit into mud and rub it in blind guy’s eyes that I read about in a leather book.
The Devil delights in our enslavement by these falsehoods. Much of our bondage is self-perpetuating. We allow deceit to creep into our lives, carry shame from sin and endure pain our Dad longs to carry but pride won’t allow. Even worse we allow those we care about to sit in nothing more than, for lack of better words, ‘a pile of crap.’ Beautiful imagery that crap conjures don’t you think?
The body of Christ is to confess your sins, eradicate judgment, speak life, pray, prophesy, and above all love one another. Even harder, call your brothers and sisters out on their crap out of sincere love. This perhaps is the spirit of community, constant accountability. While incredibly hard, both to give and receive, with it comes freedom. The freedom Christ endured the cross for.
Freedom from legalism, freedom from religion, freedom to walk in a new life.
“Hard words produce soft people and soft words produce hard people.” –Mark Driscoll
This is not another pity party about how the church has ruined things. But, Sunday after Sunday for years I walk into a building, sang to God, opened my Bible and believed this was as good as it was going to get. So much for freedom, huh? Sitting in a cold room plastered with What Would Jesus Do posters, with people who knew all my dirty laundry but we chose not to talk about it. Instead as prayer requests I’d ask for things I thought I should ask for, not what I needed. Praying for God’s will when you don’t want it gets you nowhere. A few months ago when I finally admitted I needed prayer to desire God’s will because I didn’t want it, God began to work in my life. Desire has begun to burn and it’s thick.
That ‘dirty laundry’ kept me silent. They were lies telling me I wasn’t good enough to be part of the kingdom. Whispering that I wasn’t worth it. Funniest, telling me I wasn’t allowed to sin if I was a Christian.
“Therefore don’t let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts.” Romans 6:12
Just let it out! Allowing it to take a seat in our lives is rotting our bones. It’s wedging itself so deep and we don’t realize it until it’s killing us then we spend countless tears and time digging it out. God desires us to confess our sins to Him and to others.
Freedom itself by definition, includes the absence of or release from ties, frankness of manner of speech, the absence of reserve, exemption from the presence of anything specified such as fear; in essence to live in a state of being free or at liberty rather than under physical restraint or confinement.
Doesn’t that sound exhilarating? Like you could truly live? Experience all life has to offer? There’s so much more to living with Christ. We are called to live in the light, so let’s stop dwelling in darkness!
It’s as if I’m walking on clouds. My heart feels weightless, alive for the very first time because I’m no longer tied down, but able to sense His immeasurable love. Walking in truth. No matter what I’ve done or do God will love me the same. My chains are gone, I’ve been set free, I feel like screaming it. I felt as if my chest might burst if I didn’t share this. Perhaps that’s why it took so long to write this blog, I wanted perfection. It’s far from it, but I hope it’s infused with passion. Zeal that comes from this intoxicating love affair I’m at the heart of.
“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we haven’t sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” 1 John 1:7-10
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16
“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
At the heart of this story is realizing the joy I’ve been overflowing with comes from this renewed understanding of walking in light. Freedom comes in funny ways. For me, it came in an African style conga line during worship service at church last Sunday in Istanbul, Turkey. In a 99.9% Muslim country, not back home in the “land of free,” I found myself dancing, clapping offbeat and singing in the most off key pitch probably ever heard, lifting my hands to my King feeling more freedom than I’ve ever known.
