As people stop and stare at the group of Americans in the Chisinau train station I can’t help but feel uncomfortable. Out of place, perhaps? It’s difficult not to question God, after a sleepless 14-hour overnight train ride, why in the world am I here?
Being in a foreign country has rendered me feeling helpless and incompetent at times. I’m unable to find or do the simplest things due to the language barrier.
Another curve ball, we assumed we’d be staying in Chisinau this month. Upon our arrival, we were informed we needed to catch another 5-hour train ride to Oknitsa where our contact would meet us there. No one had a clue what we were doing or who we were meeting once we got there. As usual, God had things figured out and everything has gone smoothly since then.
I’m beginning to feel like I’m actually on the World Race. Moldova is definitely different from Ireland. Yet, it carries its own unique characteristics that make it beautiful.
From the start of this journey, I expected some divine intervention to occur when I stepped on my flight to Dublin. Maybe I expected a halo, I’m not really sure. But more times than I’d like to admit I’ve found myself not wanting to serve. Coming up with some lame excuse about it “not being my ministry” or “being too tired.” I guess I assumed becoming a ‘missionary’ would make me into some weird version of Mother Theresa. When it didn’t happen I felt bewildered.
Hadn’t I already been obedient God, I’m on the mission field after all? I continued to search and pray for a different answer.
We had some down time in the past few days, offering me time to pick up a book called Red Letters by Tom Davis. I found something I didn’t expect. There it was, a paragraph on page 27 staring me in the face.
Davis discusses how the Bible tells us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44-45) and how his initial response is to want revenge on them. This isn’t specifically my struggle but take a gander at this:
“Most of my life I have prayed that these sorts of transformation would occur almost magically. That I would wake up one day and be a totally different person. That all of my desires would be godly. That I would have a natural inclination to deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow Jesus. That I would suddenly just love my enemy. But it didn’t happen like that.
Transformation did occur when I would hear the words of Jesus and obey them, no matter how I felt. The more I obeyed, the more I was transformed. I was becoming a different person because I was living myself into it. I was becoming the words I saw on the page. The words Jesus spoke himself.”
I guess God knew what He was talking about huh? Obedience is the answer. I can’t expect to wake up looking like Mother Theresa tomorrow morning. It isn’t something God transforms you to be. Transformation comes as a part of a process. But because He has called us to love our neighbors as ourselves we must be obedient and choose to serve even when we don’t feel like it.
It’s a tough pill to swallow for sure. Toughest perhaps on days when I’m cranky, or we’re asked to do something I wouldn’t particularly choose. When I can’t see the fruit of my labor, or understand exactly why God has me here, in this specific place at this certain time. Obedience.
At the end of the day, I am learning to choose to be obedient to where He has called me.
For now, that means being obedient in Oknitsa, Moldova.
On a funny note, while I may not wake up acting like Mother Theresa tomorrow, you can rest assured knowing I’m doing my best fashion wise to channel such a saintly woman:
The weather here has been nice. Usually warm during the day, it gets chilly in the evening unbeknownst to us foreigners. No fear, a sweet old granny at church outfitted us in the most fashionable of sweaters. To avoid the possibility of lice you better believe I rocked a missionary bun. I didn’t work in fashion for nothing…eat your heart out!
