My time in Eastern Europe is ending. We head to Vietnam to begin the Southeast Asia leg of our trip in just 13 days! So to celebrate the end of this chapter, I’ve reflected on some of the lessons I’ve learned so far.
Being around people 24/7 has been my greatest challenge. I’m the world’s biggest introvert, and not having alone time has been extremely difficult for me. Through that discomfort, though, I’ve had the opportunity to re-learn about myself from the Lord. I’ve done the best I can with outlining some of those lessons below:
- I have to die daily to what I want.
- Being on the race does not present an opportunity for control. Want to wake up late? You can’t. You live with 6 other people and they’re already up & about. Want to go to bed on time? You can’t. It’s time for team time. Need to get alone time to get your sanity back? You can’t. It’s time for ministry.
- I am not in control of my life.
- At home, I would get so frustrated because of different situations not working out like I expected them to. But guess what? I’m not in control of my life, and you aren’t in control of yours either. I’ve learned to stop complaining about whatever is going on, and learn from the situations that the Lord presents me with.
- I know how to get to the root of why something is annoying me.
- A lot of small things annoy me, and now I know how to get to the root of why. I started the race with getting rid of old escape habits I had, like watching Netflix in the evening for example. Now, instead of watching Netflix, I pray about certain things that happened. I ask myself, “why do I feel annoyed by this?” and once I get an answer I ask myself again, “but why?” and again, “but why?” Doing so helps me get to the root of some of my feelings, and it helps me put others first instead of my own preferences.
- There is immense joy and freedom in surrender of my expectations and plans.
- When you let go of your expectation and plans, it creates room for God to work. It’s that simple.
- God isn’t punishing and doesn’t take things away just for the sake of doing so.
- This lesson is what it says it is. I’ve lived with the fear that God will take people away from me if I’m not near them. But.. that’s not the case and my time on the race thus far is living proof that lie isn’t true.
- My fear of having people taken away from me is rooted in insecurity and fear of rejection.
- I’m meant to be wild & joyful, just like Nika, someone I got to know in Ukraine.
- Nika was our Ukraine host’s daughter. She was wild, screamed at really inappropriate times and all around, just reminded me of myself. Her personality and the ways in which she expressed it was a gift to me from God. She reminded me of how I used to be, and how I need to walk in that spunkiness daily. Thanks to her, I was able to learn how to be myself again.
- I have the courage to ask hard questions. I’m not afraid to wrestle and I’m not ashamed to do so either.
- Throughout the first two months of the race, I was asking God questions almost consistently. I am a very deep thinker, making it difficult to choose to “just believe” or “just listen.” There are so many connections to observe in life, reasoning to understand, theoretical frameworks in which people tend to think and to ignore those to “just believe” or “just listen” to something is selling the concept in itself short. But, God isn’t afraid to sit with me while I work out that stuff in my head. He created my brain in this way, and thinking with Him isn’t something I should be ashamed of.
- Understanding is not a pathway to trust.
- At the beginning of month two, I had a thought: What exactly is trust? Chances are, you can’t define it. Chances are you’ve never tried to define it either. But I think it’s important because Christians love to talk about trusting God. So, that thought led me down the rabbit hole of: is trust understanding?
- A lot of time passed between my question and this answer, but the answer is: no. Understanding is not a pathway to trust. Needing to understand x,y, and z before trusting God with it is not true trust. And that’s the pretense I had been operating under for a long time. For example: Once I understand what the Lord’s purpose is in taking my Grandma away from us so slowly, then I’ll trust that He knows what He’s doing. But…no. That’s not what trust is, and that’s not how it works.
- We can’t ask for an answer and not be willing to sit in our pain long enough for time to pass & the Lord show us His heart in the affliction.
- This one is simple. And this can serve as a lesson for you, too.
- God will talk to you if you sit with Him and are willing to listen. You have to create space for Him to speak.
- This one is simple, too. If you’re not hearing from God (however He speaks to you), are you creating the space for Him to speak? Are you slowing down long enough for Him to get a word in edgewise? Have you surrendered your plans and expectations to give Him the space to create change in your life? In the beginning of August, my answer to all of those questions was “no.” And that’s why I didn’t ever talk to Him or see change in my life in the ways I was craving.
- Suffering is not a new topic to God. He sustains it and the Bible is filled with trials and affliction.
- Job, Jesus’s entire lifetime, Jesus in the desert… there are countless stories of suffering in the Bible. You aren’t the only one suffering. Pain, suffering, and misunderstanding is all painful. But God truly is in control of your life. It has taken me a long time to view pain in my lifetime as a gift from God. But, it really is. That pain is teaching you a lesson and it’s important to remember that Jesus was human, and endured exponentially more pain than we do to allow us to live in harmony with Him forever. Remember how I stated above that God isn’t punishing and doesn’t take things away just for the heck of it? It’s true. If you’re having a difficult time understanding this, I encourage you to read the book of Job.
- “He delivers the afflicted by their affliction, and opens their ear by adversity.” Job 36: 15
- My voice, my boldness, my knowledge and my experience is a gift from God and I shouldn’t be squandering it.
- That one is simple too.
I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to write a blog about my spiritual growth! I am an internal processor, a huge introvert, and a deep thinker. One of the most difficult parts of my race has been finding ways to get the alone time with God that I need in order to process. After three months I am finally able to make sense of these lessons to share with you all.
Again, a huge thank you to those who have been supporting me thus far. Both financial donors and also everyone that has been reaching out via text. Your support means more to me than you’ll ever know!
Please be praying for the following:
- Homesickness
- I am super homesick. I really miss my family, friends, and Eric. I believe that homesickness is just a reality of being away for a year but nonetheless, please be praying that I stay present and happy!
- Vietnam
- Next month, our ministry is “ATL.” ATL stands for “ask the Lord,” meaning we won’t have a specific ministry host. We will wake up every day, pray about the ministry the Lord wants us to do, and go out to do it. This will take great amounts of patience and discernment, but it’s something my team and I are fully capable of doing. Please be praying for discernment for my friends and I, an affordable place to find lodging, and most importantly of all, for miracles to happen!
- Unity among our team.
- Pray for unity and vulnerability among the women on our team as we go into the next month of ministry together! By not having a specific host or ministry assignment, it is especially important for us to be unified in following the Holy Spirit’s call. Thankfully, we already all like each other, but please be praying for a continuation of that unity as we go into Vietnam!
- Fundraising
- I have just under $3,000 left to fund raise. I wouldn’t be able to continue experiencing this growth & share Jesus with others without my supporters. So, if you feel led to bless this work by giving financially, you can submit a tax-deductible donation by clicking the orange “donate” button above.
