For the past three days, I’ve been at launch! Launch was a 3-day event to continue training before we leave the country this afternoon! The first two days of the event included events for parents. They learned about logistics, safety plans, and the spiritual journeys that racers go through on the journey. Afterwards, we shared lunch together, and we had to say our goodbyes.
For me, launch looked a little different. We had a few worship sessions, and further training on logistics, more training for those in leadership positions, and most importantly, lots of team time!!!! 
One of the biggest things I’ve been processing the past few weeks was fear. The fear got debilitating, to the point where I haven’t been excited to start the race. I’ve spent a few days reflecting on what exactly I have been afraid & scared for, and I haven’t been able to come up with anything specific. I guess it’s just fear of the unknown.
I’ve just been in a bad mood, dreading the goodbyes, not wanting to spend time at launch, scared for when the plane will take off. Will I be able to fully serve at my ministry site? Am I really qualified to do this? Can I actually go a year without all of my family? These are some of the thoughts that have been running through my head.
When I got to launch, those thoughts didn’t completely stop, but I have a better outlook on it. What am I actually afraid of? It’s just a fear of the unknown. My comfortable lifestyle in the states is stability for me, and right now, I can’t anticipate what any of that will be like overseas. That’s a scary thought for me!!
Throughout my college years I had the same feelings. I was nervous for new chapters to begin because what I had found comfort in was about to change. Moving into my freshman year dorm at UNCC, transferring to AppState, leaving AppState, and beginning grad school all felt very similar to this. Change was happening, I didn’t know what lessons awaited me, and as a result it gave me a very uneasy feeling.
This season in my life is different from the rest. It’s in direct pursuit of the Lord and what He has for me. I’m intentionally focusing on His desire to expand His kingdom, love on people, and strengthen long-term missionaries in the areas we will go. Plus, I’ve been missing the fact that this year will be completely packed with FUN!!! There’s no need for me to worry about whether I’m “good enough” to do this work. It’s not my job to change anyone, but instead to transform myself and model it directly after Jesus’ heart so that in turn others can come to know the Lord through me.
1 Corinthians 9:25-27
“Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”
Joshua 1:9
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
