Letter to Tenant for Eviction
To: Mosquitoes (and all insects of the biting nature, actually)
YWAM
Santa Cruz, Bolivia
(and any other world race residence of mine)
You are hereby notified to vacate the premises described in the address above within five (5) minutes of the date of the delivery of this notice to you. The jurisdiction under which the concerned property is governed was infringed upon the moment your tiny, wispy legs made impact with the offended (me). Your lease was terminated when you failed to respect my personal space and boundaries as well as threaten me with such heinous diseases as dengue fever and malaria. You’ve forced me to shower in haste for fear of additional itchy bites and to fear the downstairs bathroom, which I reverently refer to as the “mosquito bathroom.” Because of your blatant disregard for my comfort, I’ve lost countless minutes of my life that I will never get back scratching in misery. Your offenses have been judged as necessary conditions to cancel our terms of cohabitation.
I have tempted to persuade you on multiple occasions in the forms of repellent, mosquito coils, and bug nets. Please consider this my final request. If you fail to vacate within this requisite period, court (or maybe just physical) proceedings will be taken immediately to evict you from the premises. No consideration will be made towards your health and well being in the eviction process.
Your cooperation is both necessary and appreciated.
Best Regards,
Nicole
& Every Other World Racer, I’m sure of it.
