Vulnerability: the noun that means the state of being exposed and open.
I am the kind of person who is not vulnerable with people. Opening myself up is one of my biggest fears because I have always been so worried about what others think of me. I do not show or tell just people how I feel. I am so afraid that my people will use that personal information and feelings against me in some way, so I keep it all inside. My sisters and parents have learned that if I am staring off into space with a blank and serious look on my face that that is when my mind is going 100 miles per hour. I have started keeping journals for the past two almost three years where I write my prayers out and sermon notes. This blogging world is making me stop in my tracks though because I don’t want to say too much. I am stuck. I know this experience is going to force me to open up to people who I have never met and most importantly, it is going to put me in a place where I am going to have to get raw with God. More raw than I have ever been and ever imagined to be. I am learning to get raw, starting here.
Right now I am in a state of believing God and giving Him control about this trip, but I am finding it hard at times with the details. I am worrying about graduating college in May and being able to pass the NCLEX (my board exam) the first time before I leave. I know He provides but I don’t know how to raise the whole $16,561 amount to be able to go. It feels like I will give God some things but not all of it. I know I will be gone, but I do not know how I am going to tell my loved ones goodbye for a year. I do not want to give them up for a full 11 months. During Thanksgiving, I kept thinking, “I won’t be home for Thanksgiving next year.” How human is that of me to think??
Mark 9:14-29 is a story about Jesus healing a demon-possessed boy who had been this way since he was a child. In verse 23, he father asked “But if you can, do anything, take pity on us and help us.” Jesus replied, “If you can? Everything is possible for him who believes.” He then commanded the demon to leave the boy and never come back.
This passage hit me like a rock because the father asked Jesus with doubt. I feel like this past week, I have had many doubts about the details of this trip because I know it is really going to happen. I have been asking Jesus “if you can” more than I want to admit. I know He will make everything possible just like He stated He would. I have to put my fears and worries beside because God is the author of my life and He IS IN CONTROL of every detail! I am ready to get raw with the Lord and show Him my anxious thoughts in detail so He can prove Himself to me.
People have asked me how they can help, and here are some ways:
Pray, pray, pray. “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. –Jeremiah 29:12” Prayer is powerful and the most important. Pray for the people we will interact with, my squad members and me, the leaders and hosts, and every situation that the Lord will allow us to be apart of.
Share my story and blogs with anyone and everyone. I would love to show people what God is doing in my life. When I leave, share what God is doing because all the glory is His and I know He will show Himself in many ways like He already is.
Support me in donations. I am very skeptical asking other people to donate but this is part of me being vulnerable. If you feel led, I would appreciate it very much. ($5 helps) I am also doing a t-shirt fundraiser if you would like to purchase one. They are $20 and very soft! If you would like one, email, message, or text me how many and the sizes and we will work out the details! DONATION INSTRUCTIONS:
If you go to my blog page nicoletaylor.theworldrace.org, click “Support Me” on the upper left side of the page and follow the directions. This is the easiest way, but if you would like to mail a check the address is:
Adventures in Missions
Po Box 742570
Atlanta, GA 30374-2570
Please make check payable to Adventures in Missions and you must include “World Race Nicole Taylor” in the memo line.
$5,000 – Due 5/13/2016
$10,000 – Due 7/22/2016
$13,000 – Due 9/30/2016
$16,561 – Due 11/30/2016
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read my blog, for your love, and all the support. God is so good!
Nicole Taylor
