WARNING: ***This blog is very personal and intimate. Testimony includes honesty, vulnerability, thoughts of doubts and frustration, family struggles, tears, details of my life, and what God has done for me. ALL GLORY TO HIM!***
I have so many people ask me, ”Why do you want to drop everything you have here and go overseas for a year? A year is a long time!” I usually answer by replying, “I feel that is what I am being called to do.” or “I know this is what I am supposed to do.” Well, there’s more to the story… and I feel like it is finally time to tell everyone my true and personal testimony of my encounter with Christ that has forever changed me.
If you know anything about me, you know family means absolutely everything to me and I like to fix people and situations (HINT why I am in nursing school) I try to bring peace to mend hostile situations. One of the hardest and most challenging times of my life was during my first two years of college (7 hours away from home). When I left for college my freshman year, both parents were living under the same roof and we were one family. The day my mom moved me into my dorm, was the day the divorce was filed. When I returned home for the summer, I came home to two houses. My parents were separated and going through the divorce process. I didn’t realize it at the time but the whole time I was at school for the first year, I denied everything that was going on at home and just remembered the good memories we had as a family. It was the hardest slap of reality. During my sophomore year of college, I was broken. I could not deny and avoid my family “falling apart” and me not being able to fix it. It was during this time that I started questioning God and why He would do this to MY family.
One late night I got a phone call from my younger sister, who was crying while telling me the latest issue going on at home, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was sitting on the curb outside my dorm and finally broke down. I remember staring at these two little weeds by my feet and crying out loud, “God, please. Show me you are here. Something, anything, just move these weeds even. I can’t handle this anymore. I just need to know you are still here.”
I sat there for a good 20 minutes just asking God over and over to show me something. But still nothing happened so I went up to my dorm, showered, and fell asleep.
I woke up to my room being completely empty except my twin-sized mattress on the floor in the corner and only a white sheet covering me. It was night outside but the room was filled with a dark tinge of pink that came from the windows behind me. I sat straight up in fear. I could feel someone coming into my dorm. The door was diagonal from my bed, which I was staring straight at. I then could see what seemed to be a man coming in but the door never open or closed, he just appeared in the shadows. I was overcome with an incredible sense of fear and anxiety because I had no idea who this man was. When he walked in, he did not walk through the empty room but slowly walked along the walls. No words were ever spoken, just strong eye contact that never left. As he walked along the next wall that connected to the head of my bed, tears filled my eyes. For in that moment I had a rush of peace come over me, head to toes because without a doubt, I knew it was Jesus who was standing by me. As I was crying uncontrollable joyful tears, He knelt on His knees in front of me so we were eye-to-eye level. His expression was so soft and gentle with His eyes never leaving mine. He had a confident but loving soft smile that was so sincere on His face. We never spoke a word but He didn’t need to. I knew He was telling me “I am real Nicole. I am here and have not forgotten about you for one moment.” He then wrapped His arms around my waist since I was sitting Indian style and laid His head in my lap. I continued to cry as I rested my head on the top of His back with all my doubts and fears gone.
I woke up the next morning feeling that my dream was 100% real. I had an unexplainable peace and joy that I couldn’t control. I instantly called my mom in tears and told her what happened. To this day, the dream is still as real as it was that night two years ago. When I crave to feel His presence, I can close my eyes and picture His face smiling at me and I am surrounded by His love and peace. This dream is the changing moment of my life.
It truly was and is still so intimate and personal to me that I never wanted to share it with anyone because it was our secret that no one could ever take away from me.
This evening while driving for 4 hours home, I could feel Jesus pushing me to share my story. Just like in Luke when Jesus tells the man, whom He healed, to tell others his story.
Luke 8:39 “No, go back to your family, and tell them everything God has done for you.” So he went all through the town proclaiming the great things Jesus had done for him.
Tonight it hit me that I am being selfish keeping my story hidden. If the Lord can use this story to reach just one person who might be struggling with doubt or life problems, it is so worth being vulnerable and sharing it. Telling people of all the great things Jesus has done should be our life’s entire mission. This is what life is about… telling our stories and sharing the story of Christ so that others might become fully devoted followers of Christ! (Thank you Life Church for sharing with me that life mission statement!)
Matthew 5:16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
God has blessed me by giving me a slight encounter into His great love He has for each and every child of His. Every testimony and story is different and that is awesome! I want to share with you my story because this has truly changed my life and I hope it might give you some encouragement… all the glory to God.
Our Lord is 100% REAL and HE LOVES YOU!
Psalm 107:15 Let them praise the Lord for His great love
and for the wonderful things He has done for them.
