November 15th, 2010
The last post that I wrote outlined my own personal struggle to tear back the curtains and speak my testimony boldly. It seems that even though I screamed declarations until my throat was sore at camp it’s difficult to put some of those declarations into action right here, right now. At the time that I wrote it I was feeling quite fed up with myself and wondering if or when I would change. Today my response is tempered by what I know to be true and my opinion is significantly changed my recent events.
My Pastor passed away this evening… I only found out about it a few hours ago and the shock of the event is difficult to process. It was quite literally yesterday when I seen him at church preaching. Today, in an unexpected twist of events, he’s gone. I knew he was sick, in fact he announced in church on Sunday that he was exactly 25% finished his chemotheraphy, but he was doing really well. He was cheerful, determined, and continued to lead our church with his regular enthusiasm and passion. To hear that he’s gone is extremely hard to wrap my mind around…
November 29th, 2010
Time…Cruel, merciless, unrelenting. Time marches on regardless of who you are, whether you stand or fall, fail or make successful strides. Eventually despite all of our best efforts it swallows us. We are crushed by the weight of it as it passes us by.
The lives we live on this earth are limited at best. We get one crack at this life. One chance to live, to dream, to make a change and then we die. Here’s my question: What are we living for? What compels us? What drives us forward?
I would be a liar if I claimed that I am always driven by a desire to bless God and love the people that he loves. I mean I really want to do that but a part of me still gets hung up on what I want. I mean, I have a LOT of potential…
For example I am talented with words and I when I apply myself I am really smart. I could do just about anything and be successful at it. Of this I am sure. I possess the drive and determination to do it. I could be that girl. The one who walks into her high school reunion living the dream with the world on a string.
The thing is I’m not convinced that is the highest objective that I could pursue with my life. In fact I’m pretty sure it isn’t. You see there is an echo that rings down through the ages and some say it’s only a fairy tale but I’m not persuaded. Perhaps it’s a glitch in my personality, an unnatural mutation in my DNA, that makes me think more like a child than an adult. Maybe it’s simply God’s signature on my life.
Whatever it is it has ruined me for the ordinary like all great thinkers of the ages who have believed the impossible and faced the social stigma of being odd, off, freakish, unrealistic, outlandish, delusional, crazy perhaps even enduring but unrealistic.
I believe that it is possible to change the world. To drastically alter the course of history for the better. I believe that it is within my reach…
