On Friday night as a wrap up for my Mental Health class my cohort got together, had an amazing meal and took part in a time of positive feedback. After eating some amazing butter chicken, bannock and chili we each decorated a card and put our names on the front.
It was the first time that many of the people in my cohort had participated in an activity like that so my instructor began by giving us a few tips. She started out by talking about the difference between giving feedback on an action that we’ve done as opposed to feedback on who we are as a person.
We were encouraged to consider the words spoken to us that meant the most to us personally. We discussed how deep an impact the words spoken to confirm or declare our identity or character were in our lives and talked about how to purposefully learn to speak those kinds of words to other people. After the lesson we passed around our cards so that each of our peers could write a word of meaningful feedback for us inside.
For example instead of saying:
“I was really grateful that you cleaned the kitchen again today”
Our team started to say things like:
“You are an amazing servant and I am so blessed by the hard work and the love that you put into everything that you do.”
I remember receiving a word of feedback like that from Cole when our team was in Swaziland. It wasn’t a long word or even during our time of feedback but it was powerful and it packed a punch that I still feel the impact of today.
During a physically demanding day of ministry in Swaziland Cole just paused for a moment and said: “You are a very hard worker and I want you to know that I notice that.”
It doesn’t sound like much but it meant something huge to me because working hard is something I try to intentionally do. I want to be a hard worker. For him to notice and give me feedback on it made be feel valued and validated. Honestly I was so impacted that I was caught off guard and didn’t know what to say for a minute. I just let it sink in and tried not to cry.
The activity and the lesson my cohort did stuck with me and followed me to work the next day. For the first several hours it felt like nothing could calm the tension among my clients and I wasn’t really sure what to do. As I stood washing dishes at the kitchen sink I just silently prayed for wisdom about how to handle the situation. Then I overheard a client in the other room give a quick compliment to the other staff. I stopped for a minute to listen to what was being said then I dried my hands and went to stand at the entrance to the room, my client looked up and I smiled and said “I just love how encouraging you are!”
There was a complete switch in the atmosphere of the room. My client said thank you and then spent the rest of the evening giving encouraging compliments and feedback to all of the people in the house. Everyone’s attitude changed and there was positive energy where it had felt so negative before.
As I reflected on it I thought of that phrase that we often hear about worship; praise to change the atmosphere. I realized that it made sense in this scenario as well because when I offered a word of praise for a positive characteristic of my client the entire atmosphere of the situation changed.
So in summary…
-If you’re struggling to get everyone involved in feedback or if people seem intimidated about speaking up try something different. Write names on paper and pass it around for everyone to write down a word of feedback. It doesn’t always have to be a verbal exercise.
-Intentionally look for ways to give feedback about who the person is and give positive feedback on their character and their abilities; not just on the actions they take or the things that they do. Look for their heart.
-Recognize that your words have the power to change the atmosphere of a situation and feedback is a very effective tool outside of your set team time.
We often talked about how feedback can become prophetic encouragement while we were on the race. I think that this is the first step in learning to give prophetic feedback because in order to look beyond a persons actions and to their heart you have to start seeing them the way that God sees them.
So pray about it and consider giving it a try.
And like I said before it would be really amazing if other alumni or racers on the field could post their feedback stories, tips, advice, cool activities etc. in the comment thread below as a reference for future and current racers.
Lets help them to make our ceiling their floor.
